Why am I doing this?

Welcome to the Family, Natalie Anne

2010-07-05T10:42:00.004-07:00

This little beauty is my brand new niece, she was born around 4 this morning. Another perfect little miracle for my little sis and her hubby. Can't wait to see her but it still doesn't make me want one of my own!

I Guess it's About That Time...

2010-06-01T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have really been feeling like I need to blog lately but have been having a difficult time getting inspired to do so. Now that I’ve found other outlets for my twattish (I know that’s not a word either way, but if it was don’t you think it would have two t’s?) ranting and raving that are both stealthier and offer instant gratification the thought of actually blogging isn’t all that attractive anymore. It’s a shame, I guess, I enjoy writing and the more I do it the better it gets (and the foggier my brain isn’t). I guess I’ve reached the point where my readership is just a little too local and the things I want to rant about are a little too close to home. It gets kinda hard to want to vent about Real People when you look at the good ‘ol stat counter and see entry after entry of the same two or three IP’s from town - and they aren’t my mom, sister or aunt. So while I am completely aware that you can’t have a blog and then bitch when people read it, it does get a little weird when you’re essentially writing to someone who’s either a secret admirer or someone who hates you so much they have a sick obsession with you. Or a small audience comprised of both.

Anyways, whatever, let’s not be a blogger hypocrite, right? I’ve been busy, life’s been fucking awesome as usual and we’re making lotsa progress with the crap shack. Our relationship has never been better, we’re more in love than ever and our social life is exactly where I want it. That’s pretty much it in a nutshell. Now, really, why would I care who knows that?

I guess there are a few noteworthy things going on. The biggest being that we are now without a roommate. The extra $$ was nice and all but the blissful silence of an empty house is priceless to us. We were lucky enough to have someone who was, for all intents and purposes, an awesome renter but we discovered pretty quick out of the gate that we just are NOT roommate people. As it turned out I thought I was a better person and a better friend than I actually am. In fact, I am a selfish dick and completely disinterested in the people around me other than my mom, my sister, my nephew and my husband (kidding! There’re a few others too. Like, at least 3 more). I want things my way, I don’t like to share and I just plain don’t give a fuck about peoples’ problems. I am pretty much completely uncompromising. And aside from feeling maybe a tiny spec of guilt I’m pretty much fine with it.

I guess things worked OK right off the bat because it wasn’t really OUR space yet, so it didn’t feel like it was being invaded or encroached upon. Once we finally got all our stuff moved, bought new appliances etc. it started to feel more and more like ours. Once our tenant spent over a month straight at home while he was out of work it really started to feel like our space - that had finally started to feel like ours - wasn’t ‘ours’ enough, or really respected quite enough.

Don’t get me wrong, our tenant wasn’t a bad person, a dick, a real jerk or anything like that. It’s just that if I was the one living in someone’s house and wasn’t working they would come home to washed dishes, clean common areas and things like that. It wasn’t that he was a pig and left the kitchen a disaster or anything like that, but little things started to add up and add up to the point of total frustration. Things like actually washing their own dishes AROUND other dirty dishes in the sink, or drying and putting them away while leaving other dry dishes in the rack. And if they did wash all the dishes or empty the dishwasher they would leave the clean dishes sitting on the stove, or piled on the counter, if they didn’t know where they went. So even though they were home alone all day and had ample time to go through every cupboard in the damn kitchen they, for some unknown reason, pretty much refused to learn where things went. But if they needed something they still managed to find it. After a while it becomes really difficult to not think stuff like that is done on purpose. And even if it isn’t once it’s established it’s out there, you can’t just stop noticing it.

A lot of what made the situation suck is the fact that the other person is totally, completely and absolutely incapable of taking a hint. He also does NOT like to be told what to do. So while I totally admit that I don’t like to ‘talk’ about shit and ‘communicate’ I do give excellent hints. I am not the kind of person who’s going to have a gay little talk with someone over every damn thing and I don’t think anyone should have to. I guess that’s because I am very susceptible to hints myself. Probably because I’m not a man. Also, it gets extra hard to be direct when you meet resistance and get excuses every time you try because they don’t like to be told what to do.

Anyways, let’s just stop this right now before it turns into rant city. Long story short - we tried it, it didn’t work, and we ended it (admittedly, in a slightly clumsy manner) before it completely ruined a friendship. Now we appreciate our home that much more and life is good. And we now have an adorable guest bedroom and bathroom as well as a wonderfully ventilated basement. Happy ending? I think so!

In work news - I fucking hate it here. I enjoy the money, I enjoy maybe 3 co workers on a good day, and that’s about it. This place is beyond fucked and to add to the pile of manure that is [insert workplace name here] we now potentially have a thief in our midst. We’ve had little chunks of money going missing for some time and once we got a proper till it stopped. Then a twenty went missing from my desk drawer. Then $300 dollars went missing between 10 am and 2 pm which means there’s pretty much no doubt that someone who works here is the culprit. As much as I dislike the majority of the people who work here I do have a pretty hard time imagining that any of them would actually steal from here. So it’s quite the mystery. I now have to lock up every scrap of money at night and at lunch time and I’ve even started putting the fundraising chocolate bars in the safe at night. Pretty fucking sad if you ask me.

Well, I guess that’s a sufficient brain dump for the time being. I’m sure my Constant Readers will be thrilled to see something new up when they swing by next time!

Hello, Constant Reader!

2010-03-19T10:31:00.002-07:00

Well, I suppose I should blog - seems like the thing to do. And I do feel I sorta owe it to my small group of local constant readers who still take the time to swing by daily to see if I’ve updated. They must be getting sick of making the effort only to find the same boring thing from 2 months ago. I don’t know who they are or why they check me everyday but nonetheless it’s appreciated and intriguing. I also don’t know what exactly THEY find so intriguing about ME. But, in all honesty, isn’t the point of having a blog for people to read it? Anyway, feel free to leave me a comment, intriguing constant readers; I’d love to know who you are!

So anyway, aside from my interesting local readership I don’t really have a lot to talk about. Our deal closed last month and we got our $$ so we’ve cut our mortgage by more than half and started the first of many big, messy renovations. We ripped a wall out in the living room and Nick rewired a bunch of stuff so we can have the TV mounted seamlessly above the fireplace all classy like. We now have a little less nasty textured wallboard, a little less cork tile and no more nasty smelling insulation. I actually prefer the bare studs to those gross things. Nick started drywalling so maybe by the end on the month we’ll have a fully functioning, normal looking wall. We also painted the hall way and replaced all the icky discoloured ‘things’, like the door bell ‘thing’, the thermostat and the smoke detector. It’s crazy how much of a difference little things like that make. Some day I may even past some before and after pics, I’m sure my ‘fans’ would love to see those!

We also decided that since we’re all rich and shit now we should probably have a toy, so we bought a Rhino. I guess as far as toys go it’s a pretty practical choice and I’m sure it’ll be fun. Nick also bought a truck to replace the ‘garbage truck’ which will hopefully mean he will use it as his daily driver and we can sell the poor ‘ol garbage truck and his aging Corolla. I would most enjoy a paring down of our ‘fleet’. So now we just have to finish up all the things we want to get done in the house so we can spend the warm months out in the bush playing with our toys. My, that certainly sounds dirty doesn’t it!

Other than all the awesome home stuff the only thing that’s really been going on is the not at all awesome work stuff. This place has really been getting to me the last little while. It’s actually really fucking frustrating. I hate watching a place like this take a gigantic nose dive when the problems are so crystal clear and oh so fixable. And it almost seems like the people most responsible for the problems are actually fucking proud of it. Like lending a hand in running one of the oldest businesses in Dodge into the ground makes them super cool hot shit. It’s sad and it’s pathetic and I am in the position where I need to decide between riding it out (for as long as it can last, which is starting to seem like not very) for the attractive remuneration or making a big change. Unfortunately I have certain goals that depend too heavily on money to be able to justify switching jobs until I have to. In a perfect world this place will hold on it a death knell for the next three years or so and then once it finally gives that last pathetic little shudder it’ll be more of that perfect timing I’ve enjoyed so much and I’ll simply go do something menial and fun whilst trying to get knocked up. That would be most good.

I say ... and you think ... ?

2010-02-06T23:27:00.003-07:00

1. Humbled :: Pie
2. Buns :: Weiners
3. Snowstorm :: Snowman
4. Sweetheart :: Sammi
5. Punch:: Out
6. Glass :: Jaw
7. Classical :: Music
8. Heels :: Stilletto
9. Twitter :: Dana White
10. Husband :: Nipples

Haven't done one of these in a while so I thought I'd try one while I was half cut after UFC. Too drunk to post the link so this'll be it.

To Hell With 'The Recession'

2009-12-23T11:04:00.002-07:00

We sold our house. It was on the market for exactly one month before we received an offer. The offer was fair, they accepted our counter and that was that. No stress, no difficult decisions, just a few initials and we ended up getting 5 grand over the high end of what we were told we could expect. And this was in December which is generally the slowest time of year for real estate. I could not be happier with the way things went.

Everything has worked out perfectly with this whole thing. We did what we thought was right and it paid off, which is such as awesome feeling. Nick’s dad told us we should rent it out for the winter, do the siding and windows in the spring and THEN list it. I am so glad we went with our guts and listed immediately or I just know we would end up having to replace a furnace or something like that in the meantime and I honestly think that if we invested the money in windows and siding we would be lucky if we recovered it, there wouldn’t be a profit in it - and our realtor echoed those sentiments. So cleaning it up and only having to pay a few months of mortgage and utility payments was so much easier to swallow than worrying about renters and everything else for an extra six months, then having the stress and expense of doing major exterior renovations. All the while having our new ugly house in need of it’s own renos. This way it’s just done, we walk away with a very tidy sum in our pockets and now we can start making all our dreams come true in the new. Starting with a new bed and new appliances. And as soon as those beautiful new appliances are in the kitchen I’m going ‘Office Space’ on the old dishwasher.

Having it done and gone so fast would actually be worth losing a little money, truth be told. I really don’t feel we took a loss at all but even if we could have held out say three months and made an extra 5 or 10 thousand - even 15 - I would rather sell now for what we did get. We were in a position where the word ‘loss’ really doesn’t come into effect because our timing was so dead on we could never, ever lose money on the deal. And I really feel that it doesn’t pay to be greedy when you’re in that kind of position. When you start to consider the expense of keeping the house vs. the extra amount we could have got for it next year then the margin really gets so thin it just would not even remotely be worth it. And then if something happens like a furnace crapping out or a picture window getting broken the margin completely disappears. Even the money we could have made using it as a rental just would not be worth the stress in my opinion. Money really isn’t everything so why tempt fate for a few extra beans?

I know it sounds like I’m bragging but I really fucking love our life. It’s probably bad ju ju to say it but everything has a way of working out perfectly for us. I’ve thought this for a long time and I actually said it out loud to Nick for the first time a few nights ago and he feels the same way. I don’t know if it’s luck or just being smart, it’s probably a mix of the two, but our timing and our decisions are always right on the money. I hope I didn’t jinx us but I just can’t believe how amazingly perfect our life together has been. I think the biggest factor in everything has really been timing. Everything from when we got back together to buying our first house to getting married to buying the second one and selling the first has just had the absolute perfect timing. It’s definitely all about timing Oh ya, and love, that’s pretty dang important too but that goes without saying, if love isn’t there then timing wouldn’t mean shit. You just can’t force things that aren’t ready to happen is my point.

So now we get to go on a little spending spree, I’m getting a fancy newer vehicle and we’re going on a trip (or two) next year. Then we’ll bank the rest of our money, slowly plug away at the renovations we need to do and then plop a big sum down on our mortgage on it’s one year anniversary. Yep, 2009 was pretty great but 2010 is going to be awesome.

One Step Closer

2009-11-24T11:13:00.001-07:00

Well our house is officially on the market. It’s all pretty and clean and staged, just sitting there waiting for someone to see it and fall in love with it. Or for someone who’s desperate and in a hurry, quite frankly I don’t really care which. In any case it looks amazing if I do say so. I am actually extremely proud of us, everything came together so well and the result was something that looks so good it actually surprised me, and our realtor. The listing price he gave us was not what I expected but I was definitely pleasantly surprised. If we get anywhere even close to that I just may have to defecate a bullion mass. I imagine one could find the listing online if they looked hard enough. Although I should mention that I’m not particularly happy with the pictures they used. But it is very hard to get the right angles when taking pictures of a smallish house.

I am really experiencing a combination of slightly numb emotions with this whole thing. The first day we moved into our new house I went back and forth between feeling super excited about our new (huge!) project and thinking that we had made a (huge!) mistake. It’s been the same wave since, sometimes I’ll look at something in the new place and think, man, that’s going to look so awesome when we paint it/replace it etc. And other times I look at something else and think, man, I really miss the old place; it was so much cleaner/prettier etc. So it’s really been up and down for me. I think once all our stuff from the old place is in the new one (it’s still there for staging) it will feel more like home but until then it kinda feels like we’re squatting in some random, dirty and ugly house. And when the day comes where I walk through the door and smell ‘our smell’ instead of the gross ‘heavy smokers apartment smell’ that still lingers it will also seem more ‘ours’. And something tells me that won’t happen for a while.

Our realtor just called, they’re showing the house at 5 today. If we see an offer in the first week I think I just may pee my pants in excitement.

Done Like Dinner

2009-11-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

It was been quite the hectic past few weeks. We moved, we painted, we scrubbed and now the end is finally in sight. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes we should be able to list our house, like, today. I am so glad all this crap is done.

We managed to clear the bulk of our stuff out of the old place on Halloween weekend and we have been staying at the new one since that first night. I wish I could say we threw the door open to our new home and were greeted by the smell of freshly scrubbed walls and shampooed carpets with a gift basket on the sparking clean kitchen counter from the previous owners congratulating us on our new home and wishing us as much happiness there as they had. I wish. Instead we walked into a completely filthy place that smelled like the grossest old apartment you’ve ever lived in, every single corner has dings and gauges out of them from carelessly moved furniture and the toilet in the master bath was literally the dirtiest one I have ever seen in my life. Ever. The whole place was filthy; it looked like they had not cleaned anything since the day they found out it was sold. It was so disgusting and needless to say that kinda takes the wind out of your sails when you’ve just paid over a quarter of a million dollars for a place.

They were even ignorant enough to leave behind a bunch of junk and furniture. Including a pink vibrating chair. Seriously. They also left two big, heavy, old dressers, a large and broken computer desk, a busted reclining love seat, some nasty old underpants and a gross old lady negligee. Seriously. Nasty briefs under the vanity in the bathroom and lingerie hanging on the back of the bedroom door. Shows how diligently they cleaned the place before we took possession. There was also a good two or three truck loads full of junk under the deck and in the garages. Pretty ignorant if you ask me. Our realtor actually said it was the worst he’s seen in the last two or three years. On the bright side he did have the garbage hauled away and agreed to foot the bill for carpet cleaning. But still. Yuck.

But back to the toilet for a moment. I don’t even know how a toilet gets to be like that. Like I can’t even fathom what one would have to do to create that kind of grub, scum, slime - whatever it is. The only thing I can figure is not flushing for days (weeks?) at a time and never EVER cleaning it. I should have taken a picture but was in total shock over how bad it was I just wanted in clean. I guess when you’re looking at a place you really don’t think to look under the toilet seats (FYI, when you look at a house, look under the toilet seats) so it very well could have been like that both times we looked at it. I know it’s not like a dirty toilet would stop you from buying the house but it does speak to the maintenance of the place. If they couldn’t be bothered to swirl a brush around the toilet bowl every few weeks then they probably weren’t too diligent with cleaning the furnace and stuff like that either. Just something to consider.

I would be so embarrassed to leave my house - my fucking home - like that. We may have bought through a realtor but their name is still on the contract, we still know who they are and it’s a small town. I would think that if nothing else people would be too embarrassed to leave somewhere they called home looking like that. I guess I just have more pride than that. Our old house was our home, it was OURS. I can’t imagine that just meaning nothing to us because the ink dried on the contract. I couldn’t even leave an apartment like that in good conscience.

Why?

2009-10-30T16:43:00.002-07:00

Because we're moving tomorrow.

The hood of that truck has 8 and a half inches of snow on it. And the snow is wet and heavy so we've probably got a lot more than that. Lovely. If we weren't moving this weekend then it would be 20 degrees and sunny.

Being a Grown Up is 'spensive

2009-10-08T10:57:00.001-07:00

Well, looks like I crapped out with ze blogging again. Oh well, at least this time it’s because I’ve been really busy rather than just tired and uninspired.

On October the 31st at noon o’ the clock we will officially be the proud owners of such wonders as:

- Stair cases, inside the house
- Multiple toilets, one in striking faux marble
- Multiple garages
- An adorable little fenced vegetable garden
- A yard specifically set up for a dog. Or several
- A hedge
- Two fireplaces. Real ones. Ones that don’t need to be plugged in. Ones you can actually burn things in
- And more wood paneling than one would ever hope to see in their lifetime

We kinda sorta bought another house. In just kinda sorta happened. We weren’t intending to buy a new house, we certainly aren’t ready for a second house considering that right now Nick is kinda sorta unemployed (he’s going to school until mid November) but it seems like opportunity picks the most inopportune times to knock. We were planning on finishing our renos and thinking about a new place in a few years. We were both to the point where we were so bored with our current house, knowing that you aren’t going to stay somewhere and having that RESALE cloud hanging over every improvement you do makes it so hard to get excited about anything, it’s just boring and very unfulfilling. We talked about what style of house we liked and we would drive around looking at houses quite often, so we knew exactly what we wanted. Then one day we drove by a house that was exactly what we wanted, and there just so happened to be a For Sale sign in the front yard.

The next thing you know we called our realtor - just to get an idea of what our house is worth and what sort of improvements we would have to do before we could sell it. Ya know, just for curiosity’s sake. He said that all he would recommend is the finishing touches; clean it up and trim it up. Then he told us what we could expect to get for it and we were suddenly no longer thinking a few years in the future. Wow. So we thought, what the heck, let’s go take a peek at that ugly bi level on the hill that caught our attention and started this whole crazy thing in motion. So one sunny September Saturday we met our realtor at the house and took a peek.

Well. It is one ugly domicile. Which is why it has been on the market forever and why the price was so reasonable. People are lazy and most are unable to see past things like wallboard with a bizarre texture and semi gloss terra cotta coloured paint, gold veined stick on tiles, purple counter tops, an ensuite with faux marble fixtures and a basement that’s a veritable maze of wood paneling. Well, thank god for lazy people because while this house may be a tad visually disturbing it’s also exactly what we want - rock solid in all the places that matter, the layout we wanted and the sky is the limit with what we can do with it. Nothing needs to be done, it’s perfectly liveable, it’s just ugly. And it was a good price in a market that’s set to sky rocket. It’s the project we weren’t looking for but couldn’t pass up.

So suddenly we’re in our realtor’s office offering and signing and initialling away. We were in the bank to see if we can carry two mortgages until we sell our current place. Turns out we’re gold, we had the cash for a down payment and with so much equity in the old place everything was A OK. Before we knew it we were shaking our realtor’s hand and it was done like dinner. We now have two mortgages (and one income, temporarily).

Now we’re in the midst of a home improvement frenzy so we can get our house listed before the snow really starts to fly. Well, until the snow sticks around anyway, it’s flying like crazy right now. There are boxes everywhere; life’s been turned completely upside down. And it’s great! As long as our house sells quickly and we don’t have to have it sitting empty for too long everything will be perfect. A friend of ours was looking for a place to stay until he can buy a house so we offered him the basement and he jumped at the chance to get out of his apartment. So we will have a little extra income to help with the multiple mortgages, which is nice. Plus he’s a good guy, quiet and respectful, so I think it will be fine having him inhabit a corner of the basement.

So ya, that’s what’s been going on. It’s pretty crazy and I’m starting to get excited. The only thing I’m nervous about it trying to sell so late in the year. I just hope our old place has enough going for it that someone will snap it up quick. I think it will. I hope by Christmas it will be gone, fingers grossed. It just goes to show that the best deals come along when you aren’t looking.

Bored?

2009-08-27T16:50:00.002-07:00

I guess it's probably wrong to find this funny but yes, I am that kind of person.

So if you're bored and enjoy judging people solely on their appearance you should really check out The People of Wal Mart.

Fun Weekly Time Killer

2009-08-24T13:23:00.003-07:00

Disguised :: Raccoon
Big wheel :: Trike
Irritating :: Irritant
Care :: Bear
Grandpa :: Grandma
Shooting :: Fish in a barrel
Sunglasses :: Big
Stampede :: Calgary
Painstakingly :: Long
Terrible position :: Secretary

Bored?

2009-08-21T16:39:00.004-07:00

You should really check out This is Why You're Fat if you're looking for a time killer and would like to be simultaneously intrigued and disgusted. It's so gross, yet still fascinating.

Bizarro Dodge

2009-08-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

Everyone has seen the ‘bizarro’ Seinfeld episode, right? Where they discover the bizarro versions of everyone and the coffee shop? Well, over the long weekend we got to experience Bizarro Dodge.

We managed to find not only the bizarro version of the town but versions of bars and people. We found the bizarro version of our ‘night club’ and a bizarro combination version of a couple pubs. It was quite the experience. It would have been a lot less intense and upsetting had we not smoked a bunch of Sid’s stuff before we headed out. That really amplified the bizarro factor. In fact, after the first bizarro bar I was all but freaking the fuck out and just about ditched. Not only were we sitting in a bizarro version of one of our favourite pubs surrounded by bizarro waitresses and bizarro patrons but there was an intensely creepy bizarro local band playing. It was very bizarre, to say the least. We sat in a corner and were trying to be mellow and just take it all in when the lead singer started addressing the audience between songs. That in and of itself wasn’t bizarre but the stuff that was coming out of his mouth certainly was. He said the most bizarre, vulgar, angry, sexual things and even as I was listening to them I knew that none of us would be able to remember them after. And we didn’t. It’s like we all know we heard it, we all know it was upsetting and, well, bizarre but our brains won’t let us remember the particulars. The only bit that I recall is him talking to some girls who were there for a stagette. They were nurses and he made reference to a prostate exam. He said, and we all remember this part clear as a bell, ‘they stuff their arm up the guy’s pee hole’. Seriously. It was very very traumatic and upsetting. To say the least. And there was some strange red back light on the guitar player that made him look like a middle aged, scraggly haired Beelzebub. Just a tad terrifying.

At the next bar, the bizarro night club, Nick and Sid absolutely abandoned me with ‘Chane’ who was so hopped up on Jagerbomb Margaritas you would swear he was on crack. So I was stuck on the dance floor for what seemed like hours (in reality it was probably only like 45 minutes) with Cracky McCokefiend (ok, Redbully McJager) while he tried to work his magic on the ladies. Turns out that he had none; I guess the jitters and profuse sweating caused by abusing energy drinks just doesn’t turn a bizarro bar skank’s crank. I did get to see him do the most hilarious rendition of his patented dance ‘The Coveralls’ and watch him get shot the fuck down by a cutie that he later claimed ‘was on LSD’ which was pretty damn funny. All in all it was pretty goofy and most likely highly embarrassing but since no one had a clue who we were it was all good. And aside from the abandonment issues and excess perspiration it was pretty damn fun to dance like you just don’t care. Because we really didn’t.

I am proud of myself for making the effort to do things that I normally wouldn’t because they make me uncomfortable. Even if those things included getting stoned and going to strange bars in a strange town, I still consider it a personal accomplishment. I too often write things and experiences off as too much of a bother or a hassle and it’s not something a person should make a habit of. I also decided to actually utilize the hotel pool and even though it was murky and gross I also consider that to be a bit of an accomplishment in leaving my comfort zone. We had a ton of fun and I almost passed it up so as to not ruin my freshly straightened hair. I’m glad I threw caution to the wind and decided to dive it though; life’s too short to let your hair rule it.

Other than that it was a good, fun, quick and bizarre trip. We also saw some old timey things, played dirty mad libs and travelled with a chubby lover blow up doll. Need I say more?

Happiness is...

2009-08-07T09:29:00.002-07:00

...Ordering two shots for $7.50, giving the waitress a ten -- and then getting $12.50 in change.

FACEBOOK FIGHT!!!!

2009-07-29T15:21:00.000-07:00

I hate Facebook. I think I’m probably the only person my age that doesn’t have a Facebook account. I do agree that in theory it is a great resource for reconnecting and keeping in touch but too often in practice it’s just used as a tool for passive aggressive turds. In fact lots of great internet resources are abused like that (I’m looking at you, MSN Messenger).

Mad at someone but too much of a pussy to tell them so to their face? Just hit delete and sit back all smug like you got the last word in. You heard a rumor that a friend of a friend’s ex whom you’ve never met or spoken to did something nasty? Call them a bitch and a whore and a slut over instant messaging and feel like a fucking hero. Oh, and don’t forget to regularly update your status with a bunch of cryptic BS vaguely targeting the object of your disdain. If the people who did this kind of shit were 15 then I suppose it would be understandable but when they’re in their 20’s it’s just plain ridiculous.

Our buddy with the new girlfriend happened to have initially met her because she was dating a buddy of his. A month or two after they had broken up our friend ran into her at the bar. They hadn’t seen or talked to each other in months, since she was still with the ex, so they just started talking and catching up. I told him not to be ‘that guy’ and he said don’t worry; he wouldn’t do that to a friend. After a while things were starting to progress and I told him again not to enter ‘that guy’ territory and he really impressed me by stepping up to the plate to ‘man up’. He told his friend face to face, man to man, that he was seeing his ex. The guy said that was fine, he didn’t care and as far as our friend was concerned that was that. And really, it’s not like he ‘stole her’ from him. In fact, he apparently broke it off so as far as our buddy could see there was no rational reason for animosity. I told him to wait and see, I knew it was just the calm before the storm. After all this is the same guy who hates my guts because of that one time I yelled at him eight years ago.

So fast forward a month of so to present day Dodge and it’s apparently a whole different story. Our buddy’s girl’s ex (can you tell I don’t like using real names?) has decided it’s grudge time and his way of telling our buddy, his childhood friend, that he’s no longer cool with things is to delete them both off his fucking Facebook. Wow, doesn’t get much more mature than that does it? Passive aggressive piece of shit. Then the little brother of some nutty chick we went to school with, neither of whom have ever even met her, decided to take it upon himself to call her a bunch of juvenile names over MSN and then making himself appear offline (is that a thing?) so she couldn’t respond. What that little turd or his screwy sister have to do with the situation is beyond me.

I hate this shit. And I truly mean that, I’m not one of those people who say they hate it but secretly relish being involved, no matter how peripherally, in psycho drama bullshit like this. I knew lots of people who were like that in school and something tells me that some of them never really change; they just find more subtle ways to involve themselves. They may use the guise of a sympathetic ear or a concerned friend who just wants to help and give advice but it just comes down to a genuine love of being embroiled in drama. And fuelling it. God that bugs me. I will listen to anyone tell their story and I will definitely form an opinion based on that but I am still a firm believer in the three sided rule for break ups – there’s her side, his side and then the truth. Just because one pissed off and scorned ex tells you something doesn’t mean you should take it as gospel or jump right in and attack the other person involved. Quite frankly it’s none of your damn business, especially if you don’t even know the other half of the former couple.

But, I digress. This was actually supposed to be about how much I hate Facebook – oops, kinda got away from me there.

The thing that really bugs me the most is that our buddy is really genuinely surprised and hurt that someone he’s known practically since kindergarten has decided to completely write off their friendship in such a ridiculous, juvenile and passive aggressive way. Just end it with the click of the button without being man enough to talk to him about it or anything. So now our buddy is mad, is having the typical male reaction of wanting to punch him in the nose and is also confused and upset because he doesn’t know or understand what changed between their initial conversation and now. And how could he when he wasn’t offered any semblance of a reason or explanation.

One ‘good’ thing that came out of this was getting a chance to see how our buddy’s GF reacts in situations like this. It’s an interesting way to get a little glimpse into the real someone, especially when they seem like the type that is extremely hard to get to know. And ya know what? I’m pretty damn impressed. She definitely isn’t a drama queen either (BIG plus for me) and while she has good reason to be pissed off (there’s lots of other stuff going on too) she isn’t trying to garner votes in her favor or organize a torch toting mob. She’s just playing it cool and seems to be encouraging our buddy to do the same. I like that.

Well, since we’re apparently back in high school for the afternoon I had better go – school’s out in 2 minutes.

Looks Like SOMEONE Might Have a Girlfriend...

2009-07-20T16:36:00.001-07:00

Interesting weekend. We decided to go camping a while ago and much to my surprise everyone actually showed up – including the couple featured in my ‘People Suck’ rant.

And it actually went really well, believe it or not. I think I’m willing to put my first and second impressions on hold for the time being (not forget them, mind you) and keep trying to get along with her. We actually seemed to get on OK once everyone was sitting around a fire with drinks in their hands and there were no other tables to escape to (haha). I think it may have been my jello shooters that won her over but I’m willing to take victory where I find it. We talked for a while and she does seem to be a pretty cool person. Definitely a little cold but that really doesn’t bother me as long as I’m not the one being iced out. Truth be told I prefer an ice queen to a cheerleader type any day of the week. She isn’t a big fan of snotty bitches, skanks or other offensive representations of the female population but that’s cool because neither am I. I am still reasonably sure she’s a bit of a bitch though – but even that’s alright ‘cause really, so am I.

Before we hit the road I told our buddy that I would not under any circumstances put up with a repeat performance and he echoed the sentiment. He said if she was going to be a cow then she could stay home and if she started being one he would take her there. But in spite of the previous weekend he insisted that she was into the camping trip and actually excited about going so I thought I’d give one last benefit of the doubt. And I’m glad I did because they seem to go together pretty well and I really do want everyone to get along. So far everyone seems to, as far as I can tell anyway. He said she had fun which is a good sign.

There were a few factors that I failed to take into account before my possibly hasty interpretation of the previous Saturdays’ events. The most understandable factor in her seemingly inappropriate behavior was a little error in judgment on our part. When we got to the bar they were sitting in a section with a shit-tastic waitress, every time we have her we never get served so we decided to switch to our ‘favorite’ waitresses section. We were too drunk to consider that our buddy just recently had a little fling with the favorite waitress, and his new girl really, REALLY doesn’t like her. I was just thinking it would be nice to get what we ordered when we ordered it but looking back I can see why the buddy’s girl wouldn’t want to come to our table after that. It doesn’t really justify some of her actions but still, I guess I can relate.

Another factor that I guess should be considered is that her ex really doesn’t like me. In fact, he absolutely hates both Nick and me for almost no reason at all. We were friends with him in high school and for quite a while after but for some unknown reason he decided mid way through his relationship with her that he should hold some ridiculous grudge over me yelling at him at a grad party. Never mind the fact that we graduated eight years ago, we continued to be friends for years after grad and I don’t even remember the argument. It really sounds like the guy is just a jackass all around and she obviously sees that now that she’s been given the gift of hindsight via a nasty breakup. But still, when you’ve been hearing shitty things about people for the last few years it’s pretty hard to just forget them, even if they turned out to be a bunch of BS. In time I’m sure she will realize he was just being a vindictive, lying asshole but I guess I should have realized that she was coming into this with some pre conceived notions of her own. In fact I think she has already figured it out as our buddy did tell her not to believe the things her ex told her about us. He said that he has been friends with us for over ten years and wouldn’t be if we were bad people which I think got through to her.

So I’m really breathing a sigh of relief. It definitely looks like things are going to work out OK here. I’m glad that I gave it one more do over before writing her off entirely. I think that we could really get along if we spent more time together and I will admit that the idea of a double date is something I could get used to. I guess it does pay to be open minded after all; who knew?

Isn't This Lovely?

2009-07-17T09:38:00.001-07:00

This is where my husband works. What about yours?

I don’t really enjoy the fact that he was to wait for the bomb sniffing dogs to finish their rounds before he can go on site.

Yep, this is where we live.

Booze Fuelled Introspection, Anyone?

2009-07-13T11:24:00.002-07:00

I am having quite the time with this Mrs. ________ business. It’s not that I have a problem with it or am having a hard time adjusting to it; I love it, I’m happy about it and all that. It’s just that I feel like I should feel more about it than I do. I want it to mean more to me and cause more emotion in me and it just doesn’t. I want to say I feel guilty about it but that isn’t the right emotion. I think the real problem is that I just don’t feel enough and I really want to.

I’ve been having this problem (if that’s what you’d call it) with various things for quite some time and am not really sure what to place the blame on. When it comes to things that should be meaningful and evoke strong emotion I just feel way less than I think I should. It’s like they just fall flat. I wouldn’t say I’m numb or anything dramatic and emo-ish like that but it definitely seems like the emotional equivalent to pins and needles – I can feel it and I recognize that it’s there but it’s just, I don’t know, dull somehow. Maybe it’s just me and a part of me being an adult; I’m just not an emotional person. I’ve been very aware of that for a long time but this seems different. Maybe it’s because so many Big things have happened in the last while and before that there wasn’t anything Big to not feel something about.

Maybe it’s just that mentally I’m putting too much emphasis on how I think I should feel and not enough on how I actually do feel. I guess that could be it, sounds right anyways. Like maybe I should spend more time exploring what the feelings I do have really mean to me rather than dwelling on whether or not I’m doing it right. While I don’t really like to say it there is one time where I feel things like I think I should and seem to have a clearer sense of my emotions and that’s after a few drinks. I’m not saying that I ever drink just to create that sensation and it’s not like I’m happy about the fact or like admitting it. I just know that after a few alcoholic beverines I tend to be able to focus on my emotions and what they mean to me with much more clarity. Maybe it has to do with the letting down of some kind of mental guard. Or maybe it has more to do with the fact that I am related to my perpetually leaky (and pie) eyed father.

On Saturday night after the bar I had a very clear sense of how I felt about a few things, including the rather imperfect in law situation. And there’s no use saying it was after a few drinks – I was fucking hammered. It was a good night, we had lots of fun, but a few things happened that got me kinda ticked about the way people are sometimes and when we were talking about it after we got home I just had such a clear perception of it all. I was able to put it into words and thoughts and all that. But do you think I could, ya know, REMEMBER any of it come morning? I wish I would have wrote some of it down but in retrospect I guess it’s better that I didn’t. What seems philosophical after countless vodkas usually seems down right retarded when you wake up.

I don’t know, I imagine this sounds awfully goofy. I also don’t talk about how I feel very often so I don’t know if I’m doing that right either. Of course there is no right and wrong but when you’re doing it for an audience – no matter how limited or random that audience may be – there is definitely a sense of, well, needing to make sense. I think it does anyway. But mostly I’ve just been thinking about it for a while and felt like maybe it was bloggable.

Shit Spray

2009-07-10T11:15:00.001-07:00

I know I’ve been over this before and I don’t want it to seem like I really dwell on this shit but I really have an issue with it. Products that are used to cover up bathroom odors (or more accurately, SHIT) should not smell like food. Unless you use a relatively scentless odor eliminator all that is happening is the creation of a hybrid shit smell. It still smells like shit but with a twist. Lavender shit and linen shit are gross enough but when berry shit or sugar cookie shit waft out of the lavatory it’s just plain stomach churning.

And to add to the yuck factor it actually says on the can of berry bonanza (or whatever) shit spray that it is not to be used around cats, dogs and especially birds. It doesn’t say anything about small children or humans in general, just keep that shit away from Tweety.

In closing, that shit is wack.

Sarcasm Falls Flat in Text-Land

2009-07-10T10:35:00.000-07:00

A text-versation between newlyweds:

Wife: Thanks for putting dirty dishes in with the clean ones,
dickhead.

Husband: u r welcome

A Camping We Will Go (Eventually)

2009-06-18T11:39:00.006-07:00

Once again my ambition seems to have totally bottomed out. I just plain do not want to do stuff. I didn’t even bother buying plants this year so I could lose interest in them by July, I couldn’t even fake the initial interest. I don’t know what my damn problem is but I’m beginning to think I’m just straight up lazy. Everything just seems like such a waste of time that I just don’t bother doing it. And then what do I do instead of whatever it is I should be doing? I waste time.

We bought an adorable little holiday trailer last month. We had been looking for one without really looking for quite a while and a few months ago Nick put a wanted ad in the area bargain finder. At the time I told him it was stupid and no one would ever call but it was free so what the hell. Turns out it wasn’t stupid and someone did call. A very nice lady from a tiny little town a couple hours from here called and said she had a tiny little 1979 Trillium that she bought for her daughter and was willing to sell it. She said her daughter didn’t like it and preferred a tent (I’m assuming her daughter is retarded) so when she saw our ad she decided to give us a call. She sold it to us for what she paid for it, $1500, which was great considering these silly things go for two or three times that easily (and often even more). We drove out there on a Sunday to look at it and make sure it was in good shape and all that and then slapped a hitch on the Escape and went back on Monday to pick it up before she changed her mind. Proves the theory that you always find the best deals when you aren’t really looking.

While this thing doesn’t really look like much it is exactly what we wanted. The Escape is classified as a ‘compact SUV’ so as it only tows about 2000 lbs we were relegated to a ‘glass egg’ style trailer like a Boler or Trillium. That was fine with me because I didn’t want anything that could accommodate guests; just something with enough room for the two of us to sleep, possibly eat and have electricity. The one we bought was actually a little bigger than the Bolers I had been looking at but since it’s all fiberglass and ‘hi tech foam developed for the aerospace industry’ it weighs is at a whopping 975 lbs. The Escape pulls it fine; the only thing that suffers is the gas mileage. Plus we wanted to ‘renovate’ it and turn it into something cool so this is a great base.

So I suppose you would think we’d be spending every weekend camping but thus far we’ve only been out once. Camping, while very fun & enjoyable, is also extremely time consuming and a lot of damn work. Plus, Nick joined a soccer league and they play on Friday nights. Friday! Is that not the stupidest night of the week to play? So we really can’t head out on Friday night, having to leave Saturday means the whole weekend will be consumed by camping. While that’s fine in theory it kina sucks if you have any other projects that need to be done (not that I ever get around to doing them anyway). I just hope we can get into some sort of groove where we can get out of town without spending half the day getting ready.

Our one trip was pretty good. I think we all could have done without the bizarre and out of the blue admission by one of our friends that she had secretly been sleeping with another (former) friend for the last month and a half. That was pretty weird. But I think I’ll leave that (potentially long) story for another day.

They Make my Brain Ache

2009-05-26T16:11:00.002-07:00

It’s been awhile since the last instalment of ‘I hate our neighbours’ so here’s a short one.

They have an almost entirely dead tree in the middle of their front yard; it’s been that way pretty much since we moved in. The stupid thing loses branches ranging in size from twig to trunk when it’s windy so aside from being an eyesore it essentially shits all over our yard. One side of the tree actually has three or four live branches but the rest of it, the side that faces the street, is totally dead and ugly.

Yesterday they cut off at least two of the three or four live branches. And that’s it. They left all the dead ones and cut off the only parts that had buds on them. And THEN they proceeded to burn those branches, the green wood out off all the dry, in their asinine fire pit.

I have never in my life seen people do things as back asswards as these people.

On Vegas

2009-05-21T11:35:00.001-07:00

Well, Vegas was pretty cool. We actually didn’t drink as much as I thought we would for a few different reasons. My chief reason is that it seemed that all super cheap drinks were either Corona or tequila. I hate both. So 2 for $3 Corona and .99 margaritas unfortunately did nothing for me and as most regular bars or lounges charged around $7 for a “well drink” (us crazy Canucks call them high balls) I was a little put off. But the places with the novelty cups and “flair” bartending are a little better and Sunday night ended up being a bit of a runaway thanks to a half yard drink called ‘Smirnoff around the world and back’. One of those nights where I wished a little voice inside my head would have spoken up and said ‘settle the fuck down you idiot, it’s just a cover band’ so I didn’t have to spend the rest of the trip in need of a neck brace. Another reason I didn’t seem to over imbibe too much is that I do not feel comfortable allowing myself to lose control when I’m out of my element. Me, responsible – who knew? Plus no one ever seemed to be on the same page and there was a lot of ‘I dunno, whadda YOU wanna do?’ which seemed to cut into the drinking quite a bit.

The wedding was about three minutes long. I am just fine with that. And it’s pretty cool to be able to say we were married in the most famous (infamous?) wedding chapel in the world. In the end it didn’t turn out to be the drunk 3 a.m. affair that we had initially envisioned. I guess that was partly attributed to the hangovers from Sunday night and that ‘awesome’ cover band. We were uncomfortable standing up in front of the three friends we brought along; I can’t imagine doing it in front of hundreds. It was a ridiculously simple ceremony but actually very sweet and genuine, none of the ‘I now pronounce you man and wife, here’s fifty dollars in chips’ stuff. Not that there would have been anything wrong with that, it’s just not the way it happened. In was subdued and important; more so than we thought it would be. Even though the place is a virtual wedding factory and the minister called me Yessica throughout.

One thing I learned is that people – tourists, specifically – do not understand the principal of a fucking crosswalk. We saw at least a dozen people almost get run over because that bright red hand is just too subtle for them. If you watched the traffic patterns you can figure out why some of the DON’T WALKs seem erroneous (right turn only and stuff like that) and you can tell if it’s safe to jay walk but as soon as one person figures it out and quickly jaunts across two dozen people blindly (and slowly) follow, often with small children. Some places you can see for a long time if a car is coming in that ‘right turn only’ lane but others are incredibly deceptive and you really should just wait the extra minute instead of risking life and limb. It just amazed me how many people would herd into traffic without paying any attention. I was also amazed that no one seemed to know the ‘keep to the right’ rule when walking. Stairs and sidewalks were a total zoo.

Another thing I learned was that – surprise surprise – Vegas really is all about gambling. There are tons of other things to do and see but it really comes down to the casinos. They want you to be trapped in them and make it very difficult to escape or find what you’re looking for in the resorts. And if you are tired and just want to sit down for a minute they want you to sit down at a card table of a slot machine, benches are very few and far between. It’s also surprisingly difficult (and very expensive) to just sit in a bar and drink. I don’t really gamble, Nick even less than me, so that was definitely a negative for us. It’s not like I didn’t find out until we got off the plane that Vegas was gambling it’s just that I didn’t realize how extensive and all encompassing it was. Slot machines in the airport, in grocery store etc. Crazy! And by the end of our trip the sound of those one armed bandits was about to make me insane. I swear I never want to hear another slot machine again.

I also learned that Vegas is the douche bag capital of the world. It’s like a 24/7 365 douche convention. Douche bags to the right of you, douche bags to the left of you. I guess it’s just the type of place douche bags can go without people saying, ‘man, look at that douche bag’. Because behind him are seven more douche bags of equal or greater doucheyness.

All in all it was a good trip. Nothing went wrong and nothing bad happened which is our barometer of a good trip. We saw the stuff we wanted to see and did a lot of the things we wanted to do. But I am in no hurray to return. If you don’t gamble then there really isn’t much of a reason to keep going back, at least not for people like us. We saw the Hoover dam, we watched ‘Jubilee’ (amazing, BTW), gazed upon the spectacular Bellagio fountains, checked out the Flamingo flamingos, saw the MGM lions and we ate Cornish game hens with our hands at Tournament of Kings. As for getting trapped in dozens of casinos that all look eerily alike again in the near future, no thanks. I’m glad we saw it, I’m happy that we were married in The Little White Chapel, but in the end Vegas really isn’t my kind of place. Too many and too much of everything. Plus it is really fucking hot. A cabbie told us that tourism was down about 30% and convention attendance (a cab driver’s ‘bread and butter’ apparently) was down 50%. I can’t imagine what the place is like full force.

After 10 Years of Getting the Milk for Free...

2009-05-12T09:54:00.003-07:00

... he finally bought the cow.

This isn't the best un-wedding picture but I think it's my favorite because it very clearly shows the adult book & video store in the background. Not captured (although I wish it had been) was the first undeniable hooker we saw in Vegas; she was stunning in spandex peppered with holes ranging in size from cigarette burn to foot-missed-the-leg-hole.

More on Vegas later as I'm still playing catch up at work.

Vegas, Baby

2009-04-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

So one week from today I will cease to be Miss ______ and begin my existence as Mrs. ________. I have searched my little mind high and low for something meaningful, deep and/or insightful to say about these impending nuptials but I just can’t seem to firmly grasp anything. I think of little snippets of semi interesting ramble here and there but I have yet to form any semblance of a complete thought.

I’ve started to start an entry probably half a dozen times over the last few months and they have all gone absolutely nowhere. I am just not that worked up about getting married! I love Nick more than anything, I feel 100% sure about the commitment we are making and I am really, really, REALLY fucking excited about going to Vegas. That’s pretty much the long and short of it. We aren’t having what most would consider a ‘real’ wedding. Well, it’s real in the sense that we will be married by the end of it but not real in the weeping relatives, same as a funeral only in white sort of way (sorry, ‘real’ weddings and funerals are interchangeable to me). I’m blissfully happy to become Mrs. ________ and not at all nervous about the short process of doing so. The end.

Since weddings and marriage have been in the forefront of conversation I have learned two things – I hate the idea of that ‘real’ wedding and ‘real’ weddings are about absolutely everyone else but the bride and groom (particularly the groom). As it gets closer to that all important date and as no one at work has anything better to talk about the yadda yadda quite regularly steers towards our gettin’ hitched. I have been told by a few couples to do exactly what we’re doing and that given hindsight they would NOT have had their huge wedding. I have also been told by a few mothers that if their kid did what we’re doing they would be pissed indefinitely. And I have heard, “sooooo, are you nervous?!” more times than I care to count. No, I am not nervous. Why? Because we are not having the terrifying ‘real wedding’. That’s the only cause to be nervous about marriage that I can think of; if you’re nervous about being joined in (un)holy matrimony then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.

Another thing that I already knew but have really been reassured of is that I hate (HATE) being the centre of attention. The idea of wearing the pretty dress and having 1000 eyes on me makes me want to vomit. I just flat out don’t think I could do it. And the thought of the potential embarrassment and subsequent waste of money that would come along with vomiting all over my pretty dress and/or passing out in front of everyone I know really makes the idea of a ‘real’ wedding cause me to break out in a cold sweat. I don’t like to be doted on or fawned over or really paid much attention to at all. No matter how important it is to everyone else I just couldn’t stomach doing it any other way and neither could Nick. Shouldn’t that be all that matters? Apparently not.

Our wedding is actually a half ass elopement. As terrible as it sounds we have yet to tell Nick’s family about it, or our trip for that matter. I don’t exactly feel good about that but the situation is what it is. The biggest thing is that no matter how much we emphasize what we want or why they won’t care. We could stress the all or nothing family policy until we are blue in the face but they would still either be brutally offended and angry or would actually magically appear in Vegas. I don’t like the idea of offending them but I actually hate the idea of them showing up more. Show up to what? Us and a few friends sipping yard long margaritas and wandering into a chapel whenever the mood strikes? Not really a family affair. I don’t like the idea of leaving the country without telling them but I have to leave this one up to Nick. It’s totally up to his discretion. My mom’s advice was to place a collect call from “Mr & Mrs ________” after the ‘ceremony’. That seems to be the winning solution thus far. I love you, awesome mommy!

My family is much easier. I told my mom right after we booked the trip and once it was too late for my dad to get his passport she was allowed to tell him. I don’t really think my dad would actually follow us down there but he does want to be there; my mom on the other hand only wants what we want (or at least does a great job of pretending). Why can’t all parents just be like that? In fact, after the sister’s wedding she requested that we elope. She’s just so easy. I love you, awesome mommy!

I guess that’s really all I’ve got to say about that. I am really excited about Vegas though. I’ve been looking at all the stuff I want to do there and already have the Hoover dam tour picked out and am getting ridiculously excited about the Tournament of Kings. I know it’s going to be a real party trip but there really is a ton of other stuff I want to do, like the Body Works exhibit. We have a handful of friends coming so we’ll be able to balance the full out drunk fest partying with the married folk alone time and the actual touristy sight seeing. If anyone has any Vegas tips, advice or suggestions I would love to hear them. We’re also going to be getting into town the night of the big boxing match which I’m sure will create a pretty cool atmosphere at a lot of places.

So, ya – Vegas, here we come!

Did you know...

2009-04-16T09:03:00.001-07:00

That when you are travelling via motor carriage and something is in/enters your lane of travel you may not in fact swing your entire vehicle into oncoming traffic to avoid it? I know, crazy right? Who would’ve thought that you can’t just drive into opposing traffic because there’s a car parked on your side of the road?

People are so fucking stupid.

Fan Mail

2009-03-23T16:10:00.002-07:00

Here’s an email I’m sure everyone would love to get from their mother:

I enjoyed your last blog but what the hell is orcastracted? Did you mean orchestrate? I looked up orcastracted in the urban dictionary and, if you spell it orcastrated, it means masturbating in a theatre or having your girlfriend do it for you if you're a guy. Who knew?

Yes, mother dear, clearly I meant orchestrated. In my blogging haste I did not hit spell check; it has now been corrected and thanks for the heads up.

The Edge of Seventeen... Really isn't That Big a Deal

2009-03-20T10:52:00.006-07:00

I’ve decided that I want to be all angsty and dramatic and dark and moody. It seems like a lot of work but it certainly makes you an interesting specimen. For some reason I’ve been reading the blogs of local teenagers and man are those kids fucking s e r i o u s. Reading their words you can practically see them seething and writhing around in the agony caused by 18 year old love and parents who JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! As silly as it is I must say it does make for interesting reading and, much like watching the O.C, I’m a little embarrassed I’m doing it but find myself hooked nonetheless. All I’ve got is my crazy sensitivity to traffic laws and the odd social observation. These girls have so much damn emotion. I do not. And all the blogs MUST have black backgrounds, MUST! Me and my beige & brown embarrassment just don’t fit in.

I remember being 18 quite clearly and there was very little writhing to speak of. I think I went through my angsty asshole stage in like the eighth grade and if my memory serves I wasn’t very good at being dark and depressed. By the time 18 rolled around I was graduated and had moved out of my parents’ house (I was born late in the year). I definitely wasn’t the pinnacle of maturity or anything like that but there sure wasn’t much of that dark & moody angst surrounding me. These blogs are full of the torment of losing their true loves, you would swear that these pimply faced boys are their first, last and only chance at True Happiness. Um, you’re 17, 18 on the outside, have yourself a good cry and then go out and find another horny 18 year old boy; there is no short supply of them.

I shouldn’t be so insensitive I guess. I broke up with my high school boyfriend a few times and he actually DID turn out to be my one true love (but honestly, how was I supposed to know that at the time?) so I really should be a little more understanding. The first time I cried alone in my bedroom at night for about a week and then had a fling with a (at the time) hot co-worker and called it a break up. The second time was a little worse, perhaps there was some begging to reconsider, but after one or two tumultuous evenings it was accepted that it was what it was. The third time was a little messy and dramatic but not on my part and I prefer not to think about it. Either of the three times there was no penning of seemingly endless letters to my former lover outlining intermittently how terrible they were and how sorry I was for behaving the way I did and how I would do anything to have him back at my side and how they took me for granted and treated me like shit. And even if there had been (there wasn’t) they certainly wouldn’t have gone on the interweb for all and the ex to see.

I guess when I was young(er) and stupid(er) there was a significant lack of internet. At least for me. Shit like Facebook with it’s double edged ‘statuses’ and all that garbage makes it easier to obsess over someone and follow them around, track their progress. Another reason why Facebook is evil. When I was ‘little’ there wasn’t any of that shit, or at least it wasn’t as widely used, so it was a lot easier to just shut someone out when you needed to. It’s human nature to peek into the lives of others, especially exes of ANY variety, so if the opportunity is there people usually can’t resist even if they know it’s in their best interest to just log off and forget about it. And it’s damn near impossible to get over someone when you spend hours analyzing what hidden meaning is in ‘soandso is excited about Saturday’. What’s happening on Saturday? Does soandso just get to sleep in, is his mom making waffles, or is he planning on a gang bang with three of your best friends and your younger sister that was all orchestrated just to put another dagger in your tender little heart? The possibilities really are endless.

In conclusion I would just like to say to the angst filled teenagers of Dodge – thank you for making my day a little less boring one emotion fuelled blog entry at a time. (And also stop taking life so seriously because while entertaining it’s actually pretty silly)

A Tuesday Morning Epiphany

2009-03-10T09:23:00.002-07:00

There are times in your life where you wake up and think ‘what the hell am I doing?’ You come to the comprehension that your situation and your place in the world is all wrong. It’s not a nice epiphany but it is what it is. Something just makes you aware that your decisions and your commitments were not the right ones. You have ended up in a terrible, awful and totally wrong place. I awoke this morning to this sad realization that I’ve made a huge mistake. Why?

It’s 37 motherfornicating below. What the fuck am I doing still living in this crazy country?

I’m being facetious. But one does have to wonder why they would choose to live in a place where it’s -37 on March 10th. Where the hell is global warming? Shouldn’t it be making an appearance any time here?

Ya know if it wasn’t for the summers where it’s light out until 11 pm, the lack of almost all natural disasters and the fact that all the people I love are here I would totally move to Miami.

Pearls of Wisdom From the White Collar World

2009-03-05T16:55:00.001-07:00

You know what is a totally underrated ‘tool’ in the receptionist world? That wonderful little button you push to disconnect a line. It has taken me almost exactly 8 years to learn that it’s perfectly fine to just go right ahead and hang up on certain callers. And if they call back you just plead ignorance – “oops, silly me, I must have pushed the wrong button! Tee hee!” Except they rarely call back, they just go on to the next number on their list.

This can be used on pretty much anyone who asks for ‘the manager’ or ‘the person responsible for advertising’ or really any caller who reeks of sales or donation harvesting. The Boss always used to give me shit for putting sales calls through to him. I never really felt I had an option if he was here; I tend to have really unpredictable and uncontrollable bouts of honesty when it comes to things like that. I have a hard time lying on the spot for some reason. But now I don’t have to lie, I just leave them on hold until the line rings back and then I hang up on them. Voila! No fibbing required!

So next time you pick up a call and you know in your heart of hearts that the person they’re looking for really doesn’t want or need to talk to them just go ahead and hang up on them. Everyone wins. Except for the poor guy from India trying to sell you pens with lights in them. He kinda gets douched.

This Really Doesn't Have Anything to do With Anything, I Just Haven't Posted in a While

2009-02-26T16:25:00.005-07:00

I have a lot of guy friends. By which I mean I have almost all guy friends. This isn’t on purpose or by choice, it’s just how the cards seem to have fallen. Now, if they would go out and get themselves girlfriends then the entire dynamic would change and our social life would seem much more normal. They like to blame this on me because if I had girlfriends they would date them. While that may have been the case in high school or shortly there after it really isn’t the same ‘ol situation now that our mid 20’s have crept up on us and I’ve lost touch with the vast majority of my high school girlfriends and as the grand majority of that vast majority are now married it’s a moot point all together. But how’s THAT for a run-on sentence?

My point is that because I’m so close to a number of single men I get a lot of insight into how they think. They do treat me like one of the guys in most respects so I do get the full guy talk experience (save for the really gross parts, thank god). Sometimes I’m just an impartial observer and other times I’m a goddamn therapist.

I enjoy giving advice. I actually think I’m pretty darn good at it too. I am very level headed and logical and I think that makes for good common sense guidance. I’m also quite unemotional so I don’t let my own personal feelings get in the way. But I have definitely noticed in my career as a completely fake consoler that guys can really be inconsiderate, disrespectful assholes.

One trend I’ve noticed among a few of my “patients” is having the ‘until something better comes along’ girl on the line. I hate this. Mostly because, as a girl, I know how terrible it must feel to be treated this way and I also know why a girl would allow this situation to go on, and how damaging it would be to her self esteem. Which would have to be pretty damn low to begin with to be the ‘until something better comes along’ girl.

The ‘until something better comes along’ girl is someone who is a few steps above ‘fuck buddy’ in the relationship category. As far as I’m concerned two adults can have a fuck buddy situation where both party is getting what they want and neither one is being hurt. I honestly think that’s quite rare and it is always short lived, but it is still possible. The difference, and as always this is just my summation of these situations, is that a fuck buddy is someone you call up or they call you up for sex. Just sex, that’s it. You meet, you fuck, you depart. You might not even like each other. In fact I think the most successful FB situation is between two people who practically can’t stand each other unless they’re both naked.

The USBCA girl isn’t just there for sex; the guy calls her to hang out, go places when no one else is available (usually out of town where no one he knows will see them) and is actually using her to keep him company more than anything. All the while he’s still looking for something better but for the time being USBCA girl is there to fill the gap. She’s basically just a temporary girlfriend, although he would never refer to her as his GF, and often he doesn’t even like her and isn’t really attracted to her. Quite often he treats her like garbage and she has fooled herself into thinking they’re in a relationship and she just needs to try harder to make it ‘work’. And when it finally ends it’s usually abrupt and often by something lame like a text or through another person, no real explanation just an ‘I found someone, leave me alone’. To sum in up it’s like that throw rug you keep by the back door – it’s ugly and too big but you haven’t found a more suitable one so you hang onto it. Every time you look at it you think ‘man, that’s ugly, I wish I could find a better one’ but you’ve yet to find a rug that is the right size and price. So you and the rug live in contempt, it silently does it’s job while you resent it for being what it is and walk all over it. And when you finally find the throw rug of your dreams you toss the old one in the trash without so much as a second thought. How do you like THAT for a simile? (Except throw rungs don’t have feelings)

As far as I’m concerned a relationship should ultimately be all or nothing. I don’t mean that you should meet someone, go on one date and instantly be exclusive. But you shouldn’t hold onto someone you don’t want to be with just out of fear of being alone. It’s low and potentially cruel. It’s also a sign of having very low self respect and of being terrified of being alone. I hate that trait in men, when they are afraid of spending a whole Saturday by themselves. How can you be comfortable with someone else when you aren’t even comfortable with yourself?

So, men of the blogosphere, don’t hang on to someone you don’t love or at least really like out of fear of being unattached. It’s not fair to them or to you. There’s no shame in going through periods of your life with a sex life that only involves you, your hand and a bottle of Jergens. At least in the end you have your self respect and you’re not hurting anyone. I’m just saying that you should be with someone out of love not convenience.

Stuck Between the Hospital and a Park Place

2009-02-03T11:16:00.001-07:00

Have you ever known someone who was so closed minded and stuck in their ways it was ridiculous? So close minded that they would never admit they were wrong no matter what? I know a few people like that and they make me crazy. I admit that I am may be a little bit narrow minded when it comes to certain things but I am willing to learn and (for the most part) willing to admit that I’m wrong (eventually).

So here’s the scenario: It’s New Years Eve. Well technically New Years Day, probably around 2 am. I am in no position to drive my truck home so a friend of ours, I’ve known him for years and Nick was known him since kindergarten, was taxi-ing us home. Everything was fine, everyone was happy. Then we pulled down a street between the hospital and a park.

I was drunk and I guess I might be a little bit of a back seat driver – which I think is forgivable if you’re a passenger in your own vehicle (even if you’re not capable of operating it). I said/slurred to Mr. Driver Man, “whatter ya DOIN’? It’s 2 in the mornin’! You don’t have to go 30, the playground zone’s OVER!” This was correct, whether I was drunk or not a playground zone is still only in effect from dawn till dusk. He says “I KNOW that, but it’s STILL a hospital zone”. Well I may have been drunk, lippy and ready to debate at the drop of a hat but I still knew damn well that here in the Great White North there is no such thing as a ‘hospital zone’ speed limit. Maybe in the States, maybe even in other provinces, but not here in Beautiful British Columbia.

Now, some may argue with me but you can save it because you’d be wrong. I researched the issue quite extensively after this little incident. In BC, where we live, ALL streets within city limits are 50 km/h UNLESS OTHERWISE MARKED (except ‘lanes’ – so, like back alleys – which are 20 km/h and not usually marked). SO unless there is a sign stating a speed limit, like a playground or school zone sign that actually says 30 km/h ON THE SIGN, the speed limit is 50 km/h. It’s not something I made up to suit my stupid argument it’s just the damn law. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

SO then ya know what very clearly doesn’t mean you have to go 30 km/h? A green fucking square with an H on it. If it was a green fucking square with an H on it that said 30 km/h on it somewhere that would be a different story, but as I’m reasonably sure that those don’t exist (and even if the do exist we don’t have ‘em in good ‘ol Dodge) I am RIGHT and he is WRONG. All that stupid green square with H means is ‘hospital nearby’. Just like a green square with a P on it only means ‘parking’, it doesn’t mean it’s a parking zone and you have to go 30.

So our argument escalated to shouting. Then to shouting with name calling. Then to him telling me that I don’t know anything about driving because I’m just a woman and a cunt at that. My retaliation is that I have more of a clue than he does because I’m not the 25 year old loser with a class 7 license (or an ‘N’ if that means anything to you). In other words I have my full driver’s license and he does not. After I was called a stupid woman and a cunt I was absolutely seething and instantly sober. The cunt word may not have the same effect on me as it does some women but I certainly don’t appreciate being called it. Everyone else in the car did TRY to agree with me but there is absolutely no getting through to someone as close minded as this guy. And poor Nick was pretty much incapable of holding up his head at this point let alone holding up an argument.

We were on our way to the drive thru for some late night munchies but after that I was no longer interested in food or being in the truck with that particular individual anymore. I told him to drive to his house to drop himself off. He wouldn’t. And there really wasn’t a whole hell of a lot I could do about it. I sat silently in the back seat, refused to order, and then sat silently back to his house. When we got there I grabbed my keys out of his hand and took myself and Nick’s drunk ass the few blocks home. Even though I’m a woman and therefore know nothing about driving I somehow managed.

The rest of the evening/early morning was spent yelling at poor, drunk Nick for not defending and standing up for me. He then spent the night on the couch while I spent it gritting my teeth with rage. I am far from a feminist but there are certain things I know I can do ever bit as well as a man. One of those things happens to be driving.

I am still mad about this, whether it seems silly or not (and I suppose it does). I feel I deserve an apology but in lieu of that (actually preferable to that) I would take a big, fat ‘YOU WERE RIGHT’. I know I’ll never get one of either and it really pisses me off. What also really pisses me off is that our friends who were there are pulling the retarded ‘I’m not getting in the middle of it’ or ‘taking sides’ card. Nick is now mad as well (now that he’s capable of comprehending things) and intends to tell him so when he gets the chance. I don’t expect the other two to gang up on him and tell him that he should apologize to me, they ARE guys after all, and I don’t even consider it something that involves ‘sides’ to ‘get in the middle of’. But it makes me really angry that they won’t even tell him that he’s wrong when he is going on about it. Whether they’re guys or not, whether they’re all buddies or not, doesn’t change the fact that this ass hat is completely, totally and utterly WRONG. I would like to think that most people would tell their buddy they were wrong BECAUSE they’re buddies, so they could save a little face and keep from embarrassing themselves.

I’m sorry. I just get all crazy when it involves traffic laws. And being right. But that was one good mental crap.

I Hope the Voices in Your Head are Interesting

2009-01-22T14:05:00.000-07:00

I imagine everyone talks to themselves to some degree. It’s normal, it’s healthy and so on. But you know what isn’t normal? Talking to yourself in public.

There was just a relatively normal looking lady in here standing in front of my counter waiting for someone and muttering to herself under her breath. Do people not realize how damn crazy that makes them look?

I’m sorry – that’s literally all I’ve got right now.

Merry Ya-it's-all-over!

2009-01-07T16:34:00.001-07:00

I am beginning to think that the Weather Network is playing fast and loose with their flashy little weather warnings. It seems like every time I turn on the computer there’s that nasty flashing lightning bolt. 30% chance of light snow? Heavy snowfall warning. Slightly breezy outside? Wind chill warning. I am starting to think that this is all a little ploy to boost their TV ratings and website traffic.

Anyways, that’s boring and stupid. And Happy New Year is in order I guess. Our Christmas was very, very boring. It was short, the get togethers were minimal – all in all it was pretty good. And the crowds weren’t as beastly as previous years due to this big economic down turn I keep hearing so much about. We decided to forgo buying Christmas presents for each other this year and bought one big ‘us’ present instead. It’s just too damn hard with both our birthdays being within a month of December 25th. So this year we thought that instead of banging our heads against the wall trying to figure out what sort of useless crap to get each other we would just buy a big ass TV instead.

One quick boxing day trip to ‘the city’ (which was no where near as crazy busy as it should’ve been on boxing day) and $2000 later we were the proud owners of a 46” Samsung LCD complete with a Blue Ray player, a big box of fancy dancy cables and extended warranties out the wazoo. It is gorgeous, as far as televisions go, but also way to big for our living room. It will be fine once we rearrange some furniture but the first day we had it I got one vicious headache. It’s cool to finally have something, well, cool. We tend to be very conservative with our money and very rarely do we splurge on something so fantastically unnecessary. It feels kinda nice to spoil yourself.

I guess that would be our big holiday highlight. Nick has been working a lot but he had four days off at Christmas so that was good. We went out for New Years Eve and had a ton of drunken fun. Davo got so drunk that by the end of the night I was telling people I didn’t know him. Sorry, dude, but once you dry hump a pillar in a crowded bar I no longer know who you are. It was still a good time all around though. I looked good and was hit on and given preferential treatment in lines accordingly. Because everyone knows that a girl will fuck you if you let her go in front of you in the drink line.

I suppose I should at least come up with some resolutions to break, but it seems pretty futile. One thing I would really like to work on is my time management. I waste a lot of damn time. Some things I really should (but lets not kid ourselves, I probably won’t) do include getting up before the crack of 11 on the weekends and avoiding the pull of the couch (and now gigantic TV) when I get home from work. If I spent even 20 minutes after work tidying up it would really prevent the huge back log of unpleasant household chores that always seems to accrue. And getting up early on the weekends makes them seem longer and that’s always a good thing.

The other thing I need to do so might as well label a resolution is to quit being such a damn pack rat – I plan to do some serious New Year purging. I am the worst for hanging onto shit for years and years and refusing to throw it away. Clothes can be the worst, I will keep something in my closet that I won’t wear/don’t like/is a weird color etc. forever because I think that somewhere someday I might just find the right coordinating item. Which I never do. Or I will hang onto something because it has some sort of arbitrary sentimental value. I have a million things to remind me of my mother, do I really need to haul around some piece of clothing that she gave to me when I was 12 because she never wore it (and it was really ugly)? No, I don’t and that kind of shit is going in the garbage. I found a box labeled ‘Nail Polish’ that I actually remember packing and moving from more than one apartment, making some of the bottles about 5 years old. Garbage! I am seriously cleaning house this year.

Oh Hey, Remember That Nephew?

2008-12-30T22:27:00.006-07:00

He's still around - and still super cute. Here's perfect little Noah with his favorite Auntie (who is no longer terrified of him).

And here's Noah with his Uncle to be (who looks so natural with him it makes me dizzy).

Babies... so great when you can give them back as soon as they crap their pants.

Eggplant Xerxes Crybaby Overbite Narwhal

2008-12-18T14:06:00.002-07:00

There are certain things that involve the use of the uber annoying phonetic alphabet. We use it a lot here because VINs are numbers and letters and if you get one of those numbers or letters wrong then you’re screwed. I personally hate it and find saying foxtrot uniform charlie kilo much more complicated than just spelling F U C K. Another form of the phonetic alphabet is to just use men’s names, like Stan Henry Ira Tim (see? That spells shit – I’m funny).

But the reason I bring it up is to reiterate a funny story. One of our previous financial service managers would always use the men’s name version of the alphabet when she was reading VINs or whatever over the phone. One day she said something like this “1 Fred 2 4 5 Harry Peter”. As soon as Peter escaped her lips she realized what she had just said and tried to make a joke. The lady on the other end of the line either didn’t get it or didn’t appreciate it. Either way our old FSM went around with a red face for a few minutes and both of us couldn’t stop laughing about ‘harry peter’.

(Does anyone remember where the title is from?)

[Insert Cliche 'Quarter Century Old' Title Here]

2008-12-17T11:19:00.004-07:00

I turned 25 on Sunday. I am now officially in the middle of my mid 20’s. I feel like that should mean something to me, and I think it does, but I’m having a hard time figuring out exactly what.

I don’t know that it effects how I feel about turning 25 or not, but this was one of the shittier birthdays I’ve had. To kick it off, Nick had to work. And while I don’t/can’t hold that against him it does kinda make me feel a little pouty that the first time he’s had to work a weekend was my birthday. So he was out the door at 6:30 am – without wishing me a happy birthday, might I add – and wasn’t home until after 7:00 pm. And while the 12 hours of double time is nice and all, I really would’ve liked to spend the day with him, or at least some quality time with a not exhausted him. Instead I got a whole hour and 15 minutes before we were in bed.

Plus I was sick. I’m not really sure why, I didn’t drink much the night before. We did kind of pig out though so the best I can figure is that it was some sort of a food hangover. I did make jello shooters for everyone but I didn’t really have that many. I also had a Red Bull way to late in the evening and that made for a shitty sleep. So I ended up spending my birthday in my PJ’s on the couch with a tummy ache. Nice. Then I went to my mommy’s for my special birthday dinner which I hardly ate any of because of the aforementioned tummy ache. And you can’t help but feel really old and lame when you get brown socks and a black cutlery tray for your birthday – and it’s exactly what you asked for.

My god, stop standing by my counter, you’re driving me nuts! Why do people have to do that?

Anyways. Ya, so 25. I think the biggest botheration being caused by this birthday is that I no longer have the luxury of saying we’ll do this in a few more years or we’ll be ready for that in 3 or 4. I just wish I could put time on hold for a while. We’ve accomplished most everything I feel we should’ve by now; the house, the vehicles, the life, the relationship – all those things are great and where they should be. Providing we do get married in the spring as planned everything will be more or less right on schedule. Everything except one little tiny thing. Babies.

Nick didn’t get on the right career path until very recently, and that’s fine. Right now if everything goes as planned we will be in the position to be a one income family in probably 3 or 4 years. Which is great; in the grand scheme of time that really isn’t too big a piece of it. But then you have to consider that means we (I) won’t be willing to entertain the idea of even trying for a baby until I’m right on the edge of 30.

I don’t think that’s too late to have a baby by any means or that there’s anything wrong with waiting that long. It’s just that if something goes wrong then we’re on pause again (like we have been for a good 3 years) and we can’t really have anymore pauses. I know I have the tendency to over plan things and I do realize that there will never be a perfect time to have a baby but I refuse to settle when it comes to bringing a life into a situation I don’t feel at least 93% comfortable with. And while I know that having them when you’re young is better in so many ways I just can’t handle the idea of having a baby on my hip and Nick in a classroom 12 hours away. I also can’t stomach the idea of our bank account and the term ‘overdraft’ being anywhere near each other.

I think in a sense I’m really just trying to justify being 25 and not being ready for babies. I think I did ok though, right? I also think that feeling that I need to justify it must mean that I am getting closer to being ready. But truth be told, the idea of having a child scares the ever loving shit out of me. I can handle most any ‘adult’ task – except the advanced domestic ones. I’m fine with the budgeting, the financing, the taxes, the yard, the renos and so on but the concept of, say, preparing a whole meal of food for more than the two of us is pretty foreign to me. In fact, the thought of whipping up a turkey dinner for 8 people practically makes me break out in a cold sweat. I’m just not ready for the complete domestication that is required to handle having an actual family. And I want to be a mommy like my mommy. I am just so not there yet.

I'm Still Alive - Still Nothing too Say

2008-12-04T14:41:00.005-07:00

An awesome quote from a friend of ours last night after seeing the “Journey to the Center of the Earth” trailer on TV:

"I’m pretty sure the centre of the earth would be lava, not bones and rivers and roller coaster rides"

That struck me as pretty much the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard. Here’s a trailer, mostly to explain the roller coaster rides thing.

Winter is Here

2008-11-17T13:43:00.001-07:00

It’s finally full blown winter here. Complete with a heavy snowfall warning; we’ve probably got a good 4-6 inches already. I can’t really complain about the weather since it’s the 17th of November and this is the first real snow we’ve seen but I can still whine about how fucking stupid people can be.

First off on my winter weather hit list: lazy assholes who don’t sweep their vehicles off. They just get in, turn the wipers on and give ‘er. It’s stupid, it’s lazy and above all else it’s dangerous. You do need to see out of those other windows, dick head. Plus the piles of snow on the hood and roof make for a virtual white out for the people stuck driving behind you. So please use a little common sense and sweep your vehicle off.

Next up is the growing trend of people shoveling the snow from their driveways into the street. There is no excuse for this either but it takes the lifting element out of snow shoveling so it is very appealing to lazy people. It’s not like there’s a plow coming along anytime soon (Dodge isn’t known for prompt snow removal), so now there’s a whole bunch of mounds on the already snowy, rutted street. Put the snow in your yard, people, not on the damn street.

And last but definitely the most frustrating are the morons who treat slippery streets like a GD playground. Yes, if you come around a corner too fast your vehicle will slide – but no, it isn’t cool. Polishing icy intersections to a high shine by spinning your tires when you take off or by sliding through them because you’re going too fast doesn’t make anyone think you’re a super star, they just think you’re a total dick. Which you probably are.

Every time it turns to winter driving conditions you would swear that everyone just moved here from California and no one has ever driven in the snow before. People drive way too fast, changing nothing about the way the accelerate, stop etc, or they slow to a ridiculous and dangerous brake pumping crawl. And then there are the assholes mentioned above who just revel in sliding, spinning and driving over peoples’ snow covered yards. It’s just cooler to drive over a lawn in the winter, ya know, ‘cause people can totally see your tracks. Then you can point out your coolness to all your little friends every time you drive by. And all the other people who see the tracks think ‘wow, I bet the guy that did that has a really big penis’. Except no one actually thinks that, they just think you’re a little prick with a total lack of respect.

Ya, so anyway, the snow is making me pretty bitchy. Why can’t people just use their goddamned brains? Once again in just boils down to the sad and untimely death of common sense.

Blahhhhhhhhh

2008-11-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

I am so very blah these days. I am just out of it, my brain is all foggy and I really don’t have much interest it things beyond my bed. And, to make it all the more interesting, I just got a call from the doctor and apparently I’m taking too much thyroid medicine. So now I officially have no excuse.

But this isn’t all in my lazy little head. I’m also going bald. Well, not bald per say, but I am losing a ridiculous amount of hair. Which confusingly enough is a symptom of both too much replacement hormone AND not enough. The muddled brain thing is also symptomatic of both, but I think that in this case the lack of concentration and general duh-ness I have been experiencing may very well be due to too much rather than not enough. I have definitely not been having problems sleeping or any excess energy to speak of though.

So hopefully with this small decrease in meds I will stop shedding like a dog in spring and stop forgetting what I’ve told to whom. And maybe then I will get my blogging grove back.

I still need to do some work on me that doesn’t involve pill popping, and I really do think that’s the main thing. As much as I wish taking a pill would just whip me right into prime mental and physical condition I know it just isn’t so. I do think that when Nick starts his new job things will start to improve. For one thing I will have a good solid hour or so after work (ten hour days, how I missed thee!) everyday to do house work and all that sort of exciting shit with no distractions and no one to get me off task. And another is that I think Nick will have a lot more ambition once he feels like he has a purpose in life again. And thankfully ambition is contagious. There’s still that little issue of exercise, but I’m choosing to ignore that (for now – it’s cold and our house is small).

Other than that I don’t really have anything to say. We almost, sorta, just about completed a modest kitchen reno. I planned to do a big picture post upon completion but that probably won’t happen. I can’t seem to take whole-room type pictures. No matter how nice and clean the room looks the picture always turns out like crap.

Some Funky Flowers

2008-11-04T11:12:00.002-07:00

Have you ever seen anything like this before?

Maybe they’re completely common and I’ve just been living under some sort of a floral rock for the last 24 years and 11 months. But either way, they’re freaking neat!

They are called protea, according to the label on the bouquet. My always fantastic fiancé surprised me with them when he came home last night. While it was a very nice gesture the biggest reason he bought them was to see what they would do. I have no idea; they look like they may turn into gigantic blooms or like they are done doing whatever they do. They also look a bit like they may come alive and eat you.

Update to my Update

2008-10-31T15:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I don’t have to worry about looking like an ass, he got it! Nick’s putting in his notice today and in two weeks he starts his new CAREER!

So, YAAAA!

I'm Back... And Excited!

2008-10-29T16:32:00.001-07:00

I know it’s not advisable but I’m going to go ahead and count my chickens before they’ve actually hatched.

It looks like Nick has, will have, a new job. A real big boy career of a job. With a good company. Doing something that he could very well be The Boss of someday.

I am super excited. I think I’m even more excited than Nick, although I think he’s just pretending that he’s not. He couldn’t sleep last night just like a little kid on Christmas Eve.

I may be getting a little ahead of myself by assuming that he has already got the job; I don’t actually know that for sure yet. I was able to use the small town fish bowl to his advantage – the company he’s trying to get on with just happened to have bought some trucks from us. So I hinted to the Sales Boss that Nick could use a little recommendation (not unreasonable as he was Nick’s boss too). He did so yesterday morning and last night Nick got a call at home from the manager at his potential new place of employment and they sound very interested. Nick went over there this afternoon for an interview type thing and I’m dying to know how it went.

This company is based mostly around oilfield stuff. It’s pretty much unavoidable that whatever he ends up doing will be and he has finally accepted that. But when he went down there with his resume they told him that they are still a very family oriented company, they want their employees to be home at night and they don’t go in for the huge far away camp jobs. You come to work in the morning, go out to the sites to do your thing and you are back by the end of the day. There aren’t too many places around that operate like that.

Another great thing about this opportunity (my I’m going to look like an ass if this doesn’t happen) is that they are thinking of starting up a division of the kind of thing he did before he came to work here. I’m being vague, I know, I just think that’s best for now. If this does happen he could be looking at actually running it at some point. This would be a huge opportunity – and huge money. And if they don’t start up now, or even ever, he will still be apprenticing for a versatile and recession proof career. That could also lead to huge money.

Now, I know that I’ve said many many times before that money doesn’t mean anything to me. Well, it ultimately doesn’t but… while it can’t buy you happiness, if you already have it then $$ sure can put the icing on the already sweet cake of life. Is it just me or is that an uber lame analogy?

What really excites me about this whole thing is actually that I think it’s going to make Nick happy. And that is really the most important thing to me. He isn’t happy now with what he’s doing and he never will be at that company. The boss is an ass, it’s run poorly and there’s nowhere to advance. He has been miserable for quite some time and I hate seeing him so down. He doesn’t take it out on me or anything, he’s just not himself and I hate that. He is the kind of person who needs a professional goal and purpose; he isn’t the type who can waste away at a go nowhere job just because it’s easy and pays the bills. That is one of the things I love the most about him – his ambition. And THAT’S what’s important to me – not money, AMBITION.

I will leave it at that for now as we've arrived at the city limits of Ramblesville. I will possibly be back tomorrow with a great big YAAAAA or a resounding FUCK. Stay tuned.

I'm a Crappy Canadian

2008-10-14T17:05:00.003-07:00

So, did all my Canadian counterparts get out and vote today? Civic duty, social responsibility and all that jazz?

I did not.

But, for the first time I actually feel a little guilty about it. Truth be told, I’m not even registered to vote. I’ve never seen the point in registering because I refuse to vote until I know what the hell it is I’m voting for and I have no problem admitting that I have no clue. Now that I’m completely and officially an adult in every other capacity I think it’s finally time to start paying attention to the world beyond my front door.

I did try to get the gist of what’s what and who’s who with this election but I didn’t get very far. First of all, Canadian politics is very boring. At least the American stuff has the juicy gossip element (kidding! It does, but that isn’t a positive). And second I found it very hard to find any concise unbiased information on who stands for what. I would like to just be given a point form list to be completely honest. I know that’s unreasonable and things are much too in depth for that but I have found it so hard to get into and I have no idea where to start. Another problem is not fully understanding a lot of the issues which is a whole other barrel of (boring) monkeys. I tried The Undecided but that didn’t even get me very far. Apparently I agree with everyone. But I think that this year I am going to tick off that little box on my tax return and tell Elections Canada they can have me and potentially be subjected to jury duty. Which come to think of it I actually wouldn’t mind.

I hate that there is so much hype and pressure to get out and vote. How about some campaigns focused on getting people informed? As far as I’m concerned you have absolutely no business placing a vote if it’s an uninformed one. I even think you should have to take a test to vote. Nothing SAT sized, just a simple matching of leaders, parties and key issues. I bet a lot of voters couldn’t do it. That makes democracy a little scary. I know next to nothing and it amazes me when I hear people spouting off about politics when they actually have less of a clue than I do. I hate listening to people having these ridiculous ‘political discussions’ when you know damn well they’re just rehashing a few key points they’ve heard (often second or third hand) and just fill in the blanks with their own BS because it’s one of those things people think they should discuss. I refuse to get into a political discussion with anyone other than Nick and my mommy because I just plain don’t know what I’m talking about.

So if you are more informed than I am how do you get into it? How do you stay informed? What did you base your decision on and what issues are the most important to you? And if you’re one of those full disclosure types who did you vote for and why?

Adults Only - For Now

2008-10-01T16:19:00.003-07:00

We certainly had two pretty cool blasts from the past in the last little while. On the 20th we were pleasantly surprised by getting free tickets to see Randy Bachman & Burton Cummings. And last Wednesday we went to Alice Cooper in GP. Bother were incredible shows.

Bachman-Cummings was absolutely awesome. I know that I don’t have the same appreciation as the baby boomers in the audience did but I was in awe. I admit that I am not any sort of expert on BTO or The Guess Who, and I even had to ask Nick which guy was which, but I did know every single song they did – I just didn’t know it was them! It was just a great show, very intimate for the size of the venue and those old dudes can still rock.

Alice Cooper was also amazing, albeit in a very different way. His stage show is very theatrical and elaborate. The concert has a story line which includes him stabbing a baby (doll) and then getting hung – quite the thing to see. His wife and daughters are all part of the show and they are definitely one talented family. Even though I was never huge into Alice Cooper and previous to the show the first thing that came to mind when I thought of him was Wayne’s World I am really glad we got to see it. As bizarre a show as it was he is truly one of the last great entertainers in music. And just like with Bachman-Cummings I learned that a lot of songs I have always been into but never knew who they were by were in fact by Alice Cooper.

It makes me a little sad, seeing shows like these; just like seeing Aerosmith and to a slightly lesser extent Motley Crue. We just don’t have these kinds of entertainers in this day and age. When I think of all the acts around now I find it pretty hard to imagine them going on world tours in 20, 30 or even 40 years (like Bachman & Cummings). The only artist I hold out much hope for anymore is Dave Grohl. That man lives for music. I’m sure there are a few that will stand the test of time, but I think that we’ve seen the last of the Aerosmith/Rolling Stones/Alice Cooper caliber acts.

I am by no means a music expert; I just calls ‘em like I sees ‘em.

Other than our mini concert tour not much is new. My little nephew is now almost two months old and is turning into quite the little person. He’s over that super creepy & breakable stage where their tiny little heads feel like they’re going to fall off. Now he’s just small and sweet and smiley. Now if everyone would just fuck off with the “awww, don’t you want one now?”, “soooo, when are YOU having one?” crap I would be a happy camper. No, no I don’t want one now. I love that kid to death, I am planning on spoiling the absolute shit out of him, but I AM NOT READY FOR MY OWN. I am a planner and a realist when it comes to things that are, for all intents and purposes, huge financial burdens. I’m not implying that children are a burden, so don’t get all uppity, I’m just saying that at this time and place in our lives we cannot afford for me to not be receiving a pay cheque. Plus, we have a lifestyle which is more accustomed to having liquor bottles and drywall dust all over the house than to, say, diapers and soothers. And those things just should not coexist. Plus, hello, we’re not even married yet, remember?

Wow, that started out all nice and informative and then just got bitchy didn’t it?

Why Give a Fu*k, Just Pass the Buck!

2008-09-18T16:56:00.001-07:00

I started the day off by getting shampoo in my eye – which stung like an absolute MF-er – and little has happened to improve it. My day I mean, not my eye. Although it still hurts.

I hate it here. I know I’m really starting to sound like an “I hate my job, whine whine whine” loser but I do feel that I haven’t quite made it to loserville yet. There are still more things about working here that I love than ones I hate. The only problem is that the things I hate are getting worse. Also, I’m at a place in my life where stability is more important than making a difference so the rather large pay cheque does remain in the forefront of my internal should I stay or should I go debate. And will remain so until my future husband figures out what he wants to be when he grows up.

I would like to some day work in a place where I am surrounded by people who actually think in terms of what can my company do for me AND what can I do for my company – EQUALLY. Ya know, actually think in terms of what can I put into this to deserve the best possible output from them. Not in terms of I’ve been here forever and I’m terrified of change so my only redeeming quality is that I won’t jump ship so gimme gimme – just don’t expect me to do anything. No one here cares about the company as a whole, even their own department as a whole, it’s just every man for himself from the kid that washes cars right up to the very tippy top of the totem pole. “PASS THE BUCK” could be our corporate motto.

I would really be curious what a person would have to do here to get reprimanded. Everyday I see things go on that would get you paddled at most places and no one even bats an eyelash at them. Except me and a few others but I’m in no position to do anything about it other than rant and the select other(s) are too busy. I would enjoy being somewhere that implements the ‘you fuck up you get shit, you fuck up again you get punished and lucky fuck up #3 gets your ass canned strategy’. I think it would be a delightful change of pace.

The Dump, the Dump, the Dump Dump Dump!

2008-09-17T14:49:00.003-07:00

Today I would like to talk about the dump. Because it really doesn’t get any more interesting that talking about garbage.

I hate going to the dump, even more than going to the bottle depot. And I really hate the bottle depot. I’m actually quite sure this is why Nick makes me go. Maybe if I acted like I loved the dump he would make me stay home.

I used to hate the dump for the obvious reason – it’s the fucking dump. But now I hate it for a bunch of other reasons too. Now I realize it must suck worse for people in bigger centers, but I don’t care, my peeve is with the facilities here in Dodge. They have made it such a gigantic pain in the ass to dispose of your over sized refuse that I predict people will just start ditching it in non-designated locations. Like back roads and/or fields.

Our municipal site uses a bin system instead of the old hole in the ground method. We have a regional hole in the ground but it is mostly for commercial disposal and the actual hole isn’t open on Saturday, which is historically the only day we can get there. Their bin system is fine in theory, stupid in practice. Every bin is for a different type of garbage – wood, mental, household etc etc. But, none of the damn things are labeled. So hypothetically if you pull up to the scale with your truck full of tree branches, stucco, car parts and some bags of household crap then they say go to bin 1 for the wood, 3 for the metal, 6 for the stucco and 2 for the bags. Then you pull away and immediately forget what the hell she just said.

And then there are the things you aren’t allowed to throw away, like dirt and plastic. Plastic I can understand, recyclable, I get that. But dirt? Seriously? You don’t get much more environmentally friendly than goddamned dirt. We went a few weeks ago and I had a bunch of old planter contents and pulled weeds in the back of the truck. Since we bought our “garbage truck” I’ve gotten used to just using it like a big garbage can and chucking whatever in it when I walk by. It’s quite handy. Or so I thought. Nick was shoveling crap into bin 1 (or whatever) and the dump lady said “young man, we don’t take dirt here”. Well, for fudge sake. So he continued to shovel other crap from around the dirt as best he could and the dump lady actually came up to us with a bag. She said that anytime we come to put all the small stuff and “bad” stuff – like dirt and plastic – into bags so she can’t see what it is. Because apparently they are going to start ticketing people who’s garbage isn’t up to snuff with the dumps stringent guidelines. So if you are redoing some drywall and insulation in your house you can’t just take the old gross plastic off the wall and throw it in the dump because you will receive a $170 fine. But if you take the offending plastic and put it in a plastic garbage bag then it’s all good. Stoooooopid.

I feel sorry for the dump lady because she is really nice and always gives the dog cookies when he comes with us (Mister loves the dump). And she was being really considerate telling us how to cheat by bagging all our crap. But it doesn’t change the fact that these rules are getting out of hand. If you give people too many rules and consequences for something like this that already sucks then they just won’t do it anymore. I admit that I am not the most diligent about my “carbon footprint”. In fact, I flat out hate the term. I recycle cans and bottles for one reason and one reason only – the money. I’m sorry, I know that sucks but it’s the truth. If we had a municipal recycling program where they gave us the fancy colored bins and picked recyclables up for us with the garbage then I would do it. But I am not going to fuck around with it on my own. Sorry, but I suck.

So ya, I hate the dump.

Friday Ha Ha

2008-09-12T13:58:00.003-07:00

I find this funny, and as I receive less and less stimulation from being here I need to get me ha has where I can, ya know?

If someone takes a poop in the ladies bathroom* then the smell carries right over to The Boss's office, thus making that space smell like shit. I just find it funny that every so often I go into The Boss's office and it smells like someone look a big ‘ol dump in there. We obviously don’t have the greatest ventilation in our ancient building

* Not me of course as I don’t poop, and if I did I’m reasonably sure it would smell like roses.

Wild Board Game Party @ Our House!

2008-09-09T11:02:00.001-07:00

Between a friend and me whilst playing Trivial Pursuit of Beer on Saturday night, he had just thrown the dice and hit me in the crotch:

Me: Excuse me, you just hit me in the [expletive deleted] with that dice

Captain Kyle: Sorry, that’s just how I roll

*Groan*

Oh and a side note, don’t ever use a pre mixed Long Island Iced Tea base with anything but the recommended mixers. Tres disgusting.

Part 3

2008-09-05T15:20:00.001-07:00

Ok, this will be the third time I’ve tried to write this. The previous two attempts kinda got away from me and ended up way too long and detailed. So with lucky number three I’m going to try and keep it short.

Simply put, I hate our neighbors. Early Sunday morning was the second time in the last year that they had cops show up to their house. Both times it was because the boy child had a party that stayed too loud too late. The first time someone else called them (my best guess would be the COP who lived two doors down from them). This last time it was Nick who called. He went over there once to tell the kid to STFU and they actually did for a while. But then at about 2 am the boy child decided to fight someone and started throwing deck furniture around and charging about like a retarded bull.

As soon as we heard glass shatter that was it. Nick called the police while I watched the morons through the bedroom window. The breaking glass was the glass top patio table being upended. And who should come out of the house to try and calm boy child down? Why, Mother of the Year, of course.

Both times that kid has had “parties” over there, at his MOTHER’S house, that stupid cow was home. This wasn’t him having a party while she was out of town. She sat in the house while kids hooted and hollered outside, while their shitty music was playing way too loud and all the way up until 2 am when her drunken moron of a kid got in a fight with some other idiot and decided to take it out on their patio furniture. So while the music was loud enough to bother us at 1 am and Nick actually went over there to tell him to turn it down that asshole woman was home. Nick, who at 24 is maybe two years older than the dickhead boy child, has to come complain about the noise while the guys’ mother, the homeowner, sat inside and let it all happen not seeing any problem.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this woman? She must be one of those parents who try to be their kids’ friend instead of their parent. I hate parents like that. You aren’t doing yourself or your children any favors by allowing your 16 year old daughter to chain smoke or letting your son have parties that end with the cops coming to the door.

And the most ridiculously irksome thing about both of these parties is that the mornings after that moronic woman has cleaned up for them. She picked up bottles and cans, washed glass off the deck, cleaned up the entire mess the kids left. The boy child didn’t even make an appearance.

I know that in the grand scheme of neighbors we could have things much worse. These people aren’t a threat to our safety or even to our property value. They’re just morons. It’s just frustrating to see people do such blatantly stupid things right next to you. And that’s why I have started writing about it. I’m really not all up in arms over their parties or their use of lawn chairs as drying racks for bedding. I just find it to be a great release to write about it. It’s like taking a mental crap.

Perhaps I should find more meaningful subject matter for these mental dumps.

I'm Just One Wild & Crazy Gal!

2008-08-29T11:27:00.002-07:00

I have really been taking a walk on the wild side lately. I’ve totally been expanding my horizons and thinking outside the box.

For one thing, I wore pink sweaters two days in a row – light pink the day before yesterday and a sorta gross magenta yesterday. I don’t know that I’ve ever really worn pink before. Pretty crazy if you ask me. I’m relatively certain that yesterday’s magenta looked ridiculous but I don’t even care. That’s just the sort of risk taker I’m turning into. I'm a girl, and girls wear pink, dammit! And today’s is pale yellow; hell, I think I may even be less likely to wear yellow than pink. OUTSIDE THE BOX, PEOPLE!

Wednesday night I went to a hockey game; which is definitely not like me at all. And I thought it was pretty wild considering that it’s AUGUST. I was all like ‘look at me, tryin’ something new’! And I did not care for it. But in the spirit of getting myself out there, I’m going to another one tonight. Hey, a night out is a night out and beer is only $4. And, well, the tickets were free. But still!

And yesterday I spent almost $2000 in about 5 minutes. Crazy! I’ve always done Autoplan with my insurance but this year I thought ya know what, that’s just stupid. I have enough money in the bank to pay for it, over the next year I’ll build that missing cash back up and I will save almost $100 in interest. So it wasn’t so much a wild crazy risk taking venture as an absolutely logical and sensible thing to do.

I’m not really sure what could possibly come next to top all this insanity. I even bought the expensive foaming glass cleaner the other day instead of the plain blue Walmart stuff. Pandemonium!

Oh, and one more thing – I’ve started cutting my own bangs. I really hope that people don’t look at me and think, ‘look at this chick, totally cuts her own hair!’ like Stewie and Olivia did on Family Guy. I don’t think it looks too obvious. And one nice think about styles that are supposed to look “choppy” is that (I hope) they are supposed to look uneven. But, I’m not even worried about that. I’m just throwing caution to the wind and enjoying having the hair out of my eyes between cuts.

See? I’m exciting. I’m taking chances. Just look at all the sentences that start with ‘but’ and ‘and’ in here. Craziness!

Part 2

2008-08-27T11:02:00.002-07:00

Ok, it’s time for part two in the “My Neighbours are Morons” saga.

I have been noticing that quite often they will use their filthy deck furniture as drying racks for their oversized laundry, bedding mostly. I don’t know about you, but I prefer my bedding to stay the fuck away from the outdoors. I like it sans bugs and dirt, ya know? In fact, as much as I like the thought of a clothesline in theory I just can’t stomach it in practice. While the idea of clean crisp linens coming in off the clothesline all warm & dry from the sun is certainly a romantic one it just isn’t realistic. It’s more like tiny black flies, mosquitos, potentially spiders, dirt, dust and sticky bits of tree laden linens. But, I digress. I understand wanting to dry your laundry outside, just not on dirty plastic patio furniture. Oh, and then there’s the kicker…

The last time they did this it rained. All day. And the bedding sat outside on the dirty furniture in the rain all day. They actually left their presumably freshly washed blankets and comforters out in the rain for an entire day.

Now I know it is none of my business and I really don’t having any vested interest in my loser neighbours and their bedclothes, but I can’t help but wonder if they rewashed them upon taking them in the house or if they just stuck them in the dryer and called it good.

Why do I dwell on these things?

I'm Just a Boring Girl, in a Boring World

2008-08-25T16:22:00.005-07:00

It really pisses me off when people are ridiculously set in their ways. I understand that people, myself included, have preferred methods of doing things but I absolutely hate it when someone is completely averse to trying anything new.

I always look for ways to simplify things. Over the years I’ve picked up lots of tips and tricks from other controllers that I have replaced my old methods with. If something is easier or saves time and paper work – for me OR someone else – then I’ll give up my own round about processes for it any day. But I’m constantly dealing with people who are the exact opposite. They are so stubborn and pig headed that they get personally offended when someone suggests a new way to do something.

That is such a stupid way to conduct your life – professional or personal. Even if someone does something in a way that you don’t like or aren’t willing to convert to there’s no reason to be outright rude about it. As long as it’s still getting the same result in the end and isn’t outright messing the other party up of causing them more work then what the fuck is the big deal? I have discovered throughout my journey as a self taught accountant (and oh, my what a journey it has been *rolls eyes*) that many of the other woman in my position have less of a clue than I do, and they have a) been doing it for years and b) are most likely formally trained. But they are also terrified of change and of anyone finding out that the job they do can really get boiled down to a few simple hours a day.

When I first started here the controller at the time had the most ridiculous & convoluted ways of doing things. I had no idea at that time because I had no basis of comparison and the old system was itself quite ridiculous and convoluted. But as things progressed for me and now that it’s five years later and I do all the different sides of things myself I really see how needlessly complicated someone (or even worse, several people)can make things in an office if they so wish. And since most of the people around them have no clue they just go right on thinking that the complicater is indispensable. Well, they’re quite often not.

Maybe it’s a woman thing, but I’ve definitely dealt with lots of white collar ladies who try and take their relatively insignificant jobs and turn them into something Special & Important. They will call in a big huff because we charged them PST and don’t you know, they are PST exempt! Oh, the horror! But then there’s little ‘ol me who would just claim the erroneously charged tax back on our next return, righting the completely innocent wrong with a few simple key strokes and no attitude and then go about my merry way without giving it a second thought. The antsy-ist I’ll get is a quick note with our exemption # on our next cheque.

Wow, now wasn’t that boring? Yes, it is. It’s a boring job suited to boring people and I guess sometimes some of them just need to try and glamorize it a bit. Well, ladies, good luck with that.

See? Even Blogthings gets how calm & collected (boring) I am:

You Are Green Tea

You are a well balanced person. You don't have many highs or lows in your life.

You enjoy bursts of creative energy and productivity. But you also enjoy your downtime.

You are insightful and philosophical. You don't take much personally.

You are at peace with who you are. You don't have an inflated sense of self.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

MMM...

2008-08-24T17:54:00.005-07:00

Ohh, goody! I love Hurricans! Especially when they're on speical!

Seriously. This was actually in the bar we were at on Friday night. Seriously.

And I found out that I actually do not care for Hurricans at all.

Do we Really Need to go Over this Again?

2008-08-22T14:02:00.010-07:00

Ya know, it just kind of occurred to me that we have a week and a half before the school year starts and summer is unofficially dunzo. And ya know what I’ve been meaning to bitch about (again) ALL summer? Idiots, dumb asses and morons going 30 km/h through the inapplicable school zones for the last two months. As you can clearly see from this stunningly photoshopped visual aid, a typical Canadian school zone sign (or at least a typical British Columbian one, which is where my argument stands) is very clearly marked in large bold black letters SCHOOL DAYS. The sign clearly and indisputably states that the SCHOOL ZONE is in affect 8am – 5pm SCHOOL DAYS. Now, as vague as that may seem one can really only deduce that is means you need travel at 30km/h on FUCKING SCHOOL DAYS and FUCKING SCHOOL DAYS only. So since it is AUGUST, you can SPEED THE FUCK UP!

I know I may seem a little crazed and nutso about this but as you can tell it really irks and peeves me beyond belief. I am all for following the rules, I agree that everyone should always obey the posted limits, but part of following the rules is making sure that you are following the APPLICABLE ones. Or then you aren’t really following the rules at all, you are just being an asshole who doesn’t pay attention. We’ve been ‘car pooling’ in the afternoon quite a bit lately and it seems like more days than not we get stuck behind the same person who goes 30 through not one but TWO inapplicable school zones and usually makes us miss not one but TWO green lights.

Anyone who is still not clear on my position on school zones in instructed to read this public service announcement immediately.

Our 'Hood Sucks

2008-08-18T17:01:00.003-07:00

Our neighbour looks exactly like Newman from Seinfeld. Not just a little bit, not like oh ya, I guess I can sorta see it – like a complete dead ringer. Aside from being possibly a tad thinner she IS Newman. Yes, that’s right; our neighbour LADY is a she-Newman.

Oh, and speaking of our neighbours, I kinda sorta hate them ever so slightly. I didn’t want to, I tired to not detest them, but they’re just so friggin’ stupid and back asswards that I can’t help but really, REALLY not care for them. I admit I hate a lot of stuff but I really don’t like having negative feelings about actual people, particularly ones that I don’t actually know. But still, I hate our neighbours.

They have this stupid fire pit in their back yard. It’s in probably the dumbest spot possible and every time they use the thing they have a smouldering, smoking mess of a fire – and the wind is almost always blowing towards our house. We’ll come home and our whole house will have that camp fire stink through it. It drives me nuts. That is a smell that is to be associated with sleeping in a tent by a lake or river, not with your bedroom. It’s been 35 here the last little while, closing the windows at 10:30 pm isn’t exactly an option. And that isn’t even the worst part. They don’t think they need to extinguish it when they’re done with their (usually very short lived) camp fire. They had the thing going on Saturday evening and it was still smoking at 4 pm Sunday. Not just a little puff now and then but a steady stream of smoke. Nick finally had enough and sprayed it with a hose over the fence for a while. He makes such a cute grumpy old man. After doing that for a while with minimal results he filled up a bucket and hopped the fence. It would’ve stayed smoking for days if he hadn’t as there was a ridiculously big log in there.

These people have actually lit a fire in the middle of the afternoon, dumped a bunch of leaves on it and then left. Like actually got in their car and drove away with flames still shooting out of the pit. They light a fire and then get it all nice and smoky and annoying and then get bored with it and go to bed. They have never once put a fire out. It’s almost always windy here and it has been drought conditions for the past month and these morons are leaving their ridiculous, unnecessary fire unattended. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

The other thing that drives me crazy about them is the daughter. She’s maybe 16 and her goal in life seems to be cancer. She smokes like an under aged little chimney and the most ambition she shows is going out on the deck to tan. And the worst part about her smoking is that mommy has no problem with it. I would bet anything that she’s the one who supplies the little twit with cigarettes. What a cool and alternative mom, eh? She’s so awesome she’s helped her daughter to form a harmful and probably life long addiction! The two of them will sit outside, BOTH with a beer in hand, and the young’n chain smoking. She only has her learner’s license and she already has a smoker’s cough. Nice. I think a mother of the year nomination is in order.

There, I now feel that it is justified to hate the neighbours.

A Ray of Sunshine on an Otherwise Cloudy Day

2008-08-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

So as prophesized I didn’t stick to my nutritionally sound game plan last night. We did cook our fishes and had only potatoes and green beans with it, which would’ve been all good. Except the fish was gross. It was too hot to use the stove or oven and it just was not meant to be BBQ’d. Plus the fillets had bones in them which I always find quite off putting. And then we ended up going out in the end anyways.

I did ok though, we shared an appy platter and I didn’t eat a very large portion of it. Which was a good thing since the majority of it did some serious time in a deep fryer and the spinach dip, while seriously yummy, was seriously laden with cheese and what may have been hunks of garlic butter. Butter is one of my serious weaknesses as I never, ever buy it. After our fatty and unnecessary meal we decided to hit up the casino to play some electronic black jack.

I’m not a big gambler. I hate to throw money away and it has been my experience that save for one or two times when we came away with a little surplus of $$ I may as well have just flushed my money down the toilet. So I decided to take 40$ out of the bank, I gave half to Nick and hit the slots with my 20. The BJ tables were full so we just wondered around to a few different machines. Nick wisely took his 20 to the lounge and bought himself a beer while watching the Olympics. Because he hasn’t been able to watch much of it at home. Because I hate it.

After about three machines my 20$ limit had dwindled down to a meager $5.20 voucher. Davo and I were walking by a pair of machines and I thought I might as well take care of my remaining fundage and sat down at a Keno-ish one. I had no idea how to play so I just hit ‘Bet’ then ‘Play’. A bunch of shit started happening, I have no clue what, but I guess I won four free bonus games. I followed the instructions and seemed to have ended up with a rather large stockpile of credits. I did a few more bets, still not sure what the object was. I didn’t know what a credit was worth so I figured I must be up to around my original 20$ investment and it was a good time to cash out and get a drink. I hit ‘Collect’ and a message came on the screen that said ‘Please wait for attendant to cash out something something….

Total to be paid $274.80’

Well, holy shit. It turned out it was a nickel slot and I had almost 5500 credits. Color me surprised! I went through the long and painfully thorough cash out procedure, getting tons of nasty looks from the oldies that were un-fruitfully plunking their pension cheques into the surrounding machines, and then took my $274.80 and got the hell out of there. In the interim Kyle had been playing on one of the BJ tables and managed to quadruple his $20 investment. Nick had two beers and still walked away with my 10 in his pocket so everyone walked away a winner. Except Dave. He lost his entire 20 in about 10 minutes.

There was a great thunder storm going on that evening that really relieved the heat and treated us to an amazing light show at about 10:30 pm. We decided to walk Kyle home just to enjoy the pleasant temperature as it had been about 35 Celsius all day. I grabbed a jacket that was nice and light and I’m pretty sure the last time I wore it was when we went to see Motley Crϋe in PG like two years ago. We got a few blocks away and I went to stick my hands in my pockets and what did I find?

A long forgotten twenty dollar bill.

All in all, not a bad evening.

Diet Really is a Four Letter Word

2008-08-15T15:56:00.002-07:00

I have discovered that I have a real lack of willpower. I am trying to make a conscious effort to eat better – not too loose weight necessarily, just to be healthier and feel better. Some days I do really great. Most of the time I completely screw up. Like today; I have a perfectly fine banana in front of me but I couldn’t stop myself from getting a Friday morning donut from the coffee room. And ya know what? It was gross. So I exercised a complete lack of willpower, had a doughy pastry instead of a potassium rich banana, consumed X number of empty calories and grams of saturated fat and DIDN’T EVEN ENJOY IT.

I seem to have an interesting sense of logic when it comes to my diet indiscretions too. My mind basically works on the premise that if I can’t see the nutritional information then it’s a dietary freebie. McDonald’s went and fucked this up by putting theirs on the damn boxes. Which I do actually appreciate because it quite effectively keeps me from eating that shit very often. Except last night when I was feeling lazy and far too hot and didn’t feel like cooking the healthy, yummy and omega rich fish I had taken out. So we went to McDonald’s Because I’m lazy and have no willpower. BUT, I did opt for a side salad w/ low fat vinaigrette instead of fries. It was disgusting and I’m not a fan of tomatoes or onions so it was essentially just wilted lettuce with very peppery Italian dressing on it. But at least the lettuce appeared to be romaine rather then ice burg, and at any rate I saved a monumental amount of calories, fat and sodium by skipping the fries. But of course then I went and ate a bunch of Nick’s fries. Because another part of my fuzzy diet logic is that if I share it with someone then it doesn’t count either. I am an ass.

I did good at lunch today – I had a salad w/ tons of baby spinach, that purple stuff (?), that frizzy looking stuff, carrots, cucumbers and tuna. I only used a bit of low fat balsamic but couldn’t resist crumbling a (generous) portion of feta on it. But at least the cheese was light. So aside from that gross donut this morning I’m doing pretty damn good. Of course it’s only 2 pm. Plus, I have to cook that fish tonight or it’s dunzo. I think that all in all Friday is shaping up to be a pretty admirable day in the diet department. Although with my luck we'll probably end up going out or ordering pizza

Then there’s tomorrow. Weekends are always the worst, but this Saturday will be especially bad because it’s the sister’s baby shower. There will be cakes. And meat & cheese platters. And god knows what other assorted goodies. It will be far too much for my fragile willpower to overcome. I have found that I will do pretty fair in the eating department all week and then stumble on Friday with something like the chicken philo @ Mikes (that’s stuffed with cream cheese and smothered with hollandaise). So my back asswards little brain thinks that since I just messed it all up I might as well go on a little fatty fatty fat fat bender and eat like a hog all weekend.

I started laying off the double doubles in favour of green tea w/ a little honey. That has been working well so far. I bought myself a fancy dancy water jug from the Dollar Store that holds 36 oz, so if I drink two of those in a day I get my 8 glasses of h2o taken care of. I know very well the things I should be doing and why. But for whatever reason I really suck on the follow through. This is another one of those things that can be attributed directly to the fact that I am LAZY. I need the smarten the F up.

I Just Don't Know Anymore...

2008-08-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

I miss the days when my blog was worth reading. I am as aware as anyone that the thing has been on a slow but steady downward slide for sometime. For like a year. I was going through everything a few days ago and backing it up and although things got off to a pretty rocky start there was a lot of good stuff in those archives. Definitely nothing mind blowing or even thought provoking, but I think a lot of it was at least funny and relatable.

I’m the first to admit that I am by no means a great scholar. I don’t think I’m stupid, in fact I tend to think I’m pretty darn smart. But when it comes to sharing my thoughts they tend to be about how much I hate bra straps and how badly people drive rather than who we should vote for and socio-economic… blah blah blah. I think maybe this is why my poor little blog is suffering. I don’t care or know much about serious subjects, certainly not enough to write about them, and I don’t do anything spectacular in my day to day life. So where the hell do I go from here? Where do I need to go for inspiration when even the stupid things I do and the things I hate are not coming out in the funny & articulate way they used too?

Garden clogs were fun for a while, but I think I’ve covered every possible inch of that topic. Same goes for jaywalkers and people who can’t use four way stops. I am also starting to feel like I’ve done about enough bitching – people have to be sick of that. And seriously, I’m not (really) that much of a complainer. I just find it easier to express myself when I’m writing about something that pisses me off, so that’s what I blog about. I really am not that terrible of a person. No, really!

I spent a good chunk of the day floating around Blog Explosion and while it did help pass the time it didn’t really help my predicament. Other people write about current events and their daily lives. I find both of those things pretty boring. So now I’m faced with the question of whether this means I totally suck or am just tired and uninspired.

I think I may have to stick with the peeve – funny – random – bitch formula. At least until my life gets more exciting or I start to take note of what’s going on in the world around it.

Welcome to the Family, Little Man

2008-08-08T15:00:00.003-07:00

Meet my brand spankin' new nephew, Noah James. Pretty freakin' cute if you ask me.

I don't know much about babies, but that is one perfect baby. We're going to see him tomorrow so hopefully we'll have some better pics.

A Message Againt Mal-Strappage

2008-08-07T16:56:00.003-07:00

It’s summer. In fact, it’s damn near over. With the warm weather comes smaller clothes. And I feel it is my duty to pass along this little public service announcement from your (un)friendly neighborhood bitch:

It is at no time appropriate to wear a regular over the shoulder bra with a halter or tube top. Ever. Under any circumstance. It is literally one of the tackiest things a woman can do wardrobe wise. This is not a personal opinion or preference, nor is the subject open for debate. It is strictly unacceptable to wear a strapless top over a bra with straps. Color matching does not in anyway change this rule or lessen the gravity of the severe fashion faux pas being committed. If you choose to wear a top with no shoulder coverage then you simply must don a strapless (or around the neck, if the piece permits) foundation garment. Endo story.

I suppose those awful clear bra straps are still up for debate, although I am totally opposed to them – they may be clear but they are still shiny and obvious. I do appreciate their intent, but I am still against any exposed strappage. Putting aside the potential for gratuitous cleavage, the real appeal of sexy summer wear like a halter top, in my opinion, is that they show off a part of your person that doesn’t get much play – your shoulders and back. Other styles cover them, a halter lets them be the feature. If the eye is drawn to a strap where there should clearly be skin the whole look is just visually confusing and completely ruined. It’s the equivalent of wearing sock garters with shorts or a skirt. Seriously. Bras, like sock garters, should ALWAYS be concealed by your outfit.

Oh, and really OT, my little sister is in labour RIGHT NOW! I'll totally be an aunt the next time I get around to posting.

I Say Tase Away

2008-07-24T16:24:00.003-07:00

Ok, I’ve got another really long, angry, rambly blog on the go but right now there’s something else I want to state my ever so humble opinion on: tasers.

It’s been all over the news for a long time and it seems like the hubbub will start to finally die off when another incident occurs and the go around starts right back up again. This is my opinion, and if I get shit for it then so be it. I thought about replacing the word “taser” with “shocky bad man stopper” or something like that to reduce search fodder but, whatever, blast me if you want to. Plus typing “shocky bad man stopper” over and over would get pretty old pretty quick.

Just to be clear – it sucks when people die, police should not use excessive force and unless it’s getting close to last resort time a taser, much like a gun, should NOT be employed. I don’t think that a cop should be able to walk down the street and zap someone for jaywalking*. I do, however, think there are many occasions when the use of a taser is absolutely called for.

The most clear and simple way to look at it is this – if an officer of the GD law tells you to do something then YOU DO IT. If you choose to NOT DO IT then there will be CONSEQUENCES and REPERCUSSIONS. Pretty simple premise if you ask me. If a police officer says stop, you cease all movement. If they tell you to get on the ground, you hit the f-ing pavement. Hands behind your back… well, you get the idea. The police are the law and whether or not you agree with the law you still have to respect their authority and do as they bloody well say. Or else.

If someone has a gun or a knife and they are coming at officers, they have been told numerous times to stop and are choosing not to, then the police really have limited options. They can’t just stand there asking nicely for him to put the weapon down until they are stabbed or shot. They can shoot the person, or they can tase them. Which is the better option? And other options like mace and batons are not always effective because they do not completely immobilize a person. If factors like drugs and/or adrenaline are involved then you need something with a little more oomph.

Yes, I think there have probably been instances where a taser was unnecessarily employed. But I would like to believe that it is a very rare occurrence. I would like to give the police the benefit of the doubt here – they are the trained professionals who are in the official business of knowing right from wrong. Like anything else there is corruption but I really think we have no choice but to trust them, and their judgment, as a whole. And regarding the instance with the man in YVR who couldn’t speak English – I don’t care where you’re from, you know damn well what an officer of the law looks like. And when an officer of the law is pointing a gun at you and yelling – in ANY language – then you fucking well stop what you’re doing and put your hands up or get on the ground. The English speaking officers had no idea what his intentions were, the intentions of the officers would’ve been clear to a deaf man.

The whole thing is just stupid and another example of putting a criminals rights up on a pedestal. You break the law then shit will (should) happen to you. The end. Chances are you knew the kinda shit that could happen to you when you chose to break the law so if it kills you then it’s really your own damn fault isn’t it? If anything the instances of people being killed by a taser that have been so widely publicized lately should serve as a warning – if you break the law you could potentially die. Sounds a little extreme but it sure as hell keeps me from getting myself in taser-worthy situations. Well, that along with morals and commonsense.

So in closing – STOP BREAKING THE LAW ASSHOLES! Case closed.

*Actually I secretly do.

So There!

2008-06-25T14:00:00.002-07:00

Ya know, I’m pretty comfortable saying that one of my all time favorite bands is The Offspring. I’ve loved everything they’ve done and I can listen to any of their CD’s over and over and never get sick of any of it – really an exception to the rule. Their latest release if no different, it’s good – really good. But… the chorus of “Half Tru-ism”, the first track on “Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace”, sounds sickeningly familiar to “Helena” by My Chemical Romance. Yuck.

I don’t think that this is by any means a rip off, I think it’s an unpleasant coincidence if anything because why the hell would The Offspring need to steal choruses from a crapola band like My Chemical Romance? It may even be possible that I’m the only one that hears any similarity as Nick thinks I’m way off base. I still think the resemblance it there, MCR is just more dramatic and wavering and emo-tarded. But seriously, listen to the two and see if you can’t hear an uncanny likeness. Here’s “Half-truism” for your listening pleasure. If you would like to listen to “Helena” for comparison you’ll have to dig it up yourself because there is no way in hell I’m putting that emo shit on here. So ya, enjoy!

My Head Hurts

2008-06-23T14:57:00.001-07:00

"Good morning, ______ Ford."

"Ya, is this the Dodge dealership?"

Click.

I Have Nothing

2008-06-06T16:02:00.003-07:00

I really, REALLY hate the use of perfumey air fresheners to cover up "bathroom odors". Personally, I would rather smell plain old shit than flower scented shit, vanilla scented shit or linen scented shit. Shit is pretty gross, but lavender-shit is absolutely nauseating. I think the Glade in the bathroom just might go missing today.

Chocolate, so Deep, So Insightful

2008-05-08T11:54:00.003-07:00

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied.

You don't like anything too intense and dramatic.

Deep down, you're a kid at heart... and you're nostalgic for the past.

You are friendly, witty, and likable.

You charm is overwhelming. People are enchanted by you.

You have a comeback for anything. Because of this, you seem flippant at times.

You love the feeling of accomplishment. You enjoy doing what's important.

You feel lost when you have to do frivolous tasks or hang out with shallow people.

The Chocolate Oracle

Thankyou, Blogthings, I think so too.

I'm not really very inspired lately, hence my lack of any meaningful posting (although come to think of it I'm not sure how 'meaningful' any of them ever are).

All is well. Nick loves his new job, I love that he loves his new job and everything else is just hunky dory (sp?). Hell, the sun even shined for a few days between when I last posted and now. And, as the icing on the happy cake, we bought a new dishwasher. Yes, life is good and our dishes are spotless!

Something New

2008-04-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

There has been a gale force wind here for the last 5 days. I don’t know what requirements need to be met for these winds to qualify as a wind storm, but I think it’s pretty safe to say that this is an effing wind storm.

So as an interesting change of pace, I actually have some news. I’m pregnant.

Just kidding. Did your poor ‘ol heart stop there for just a minute, Mother?

No, no babies, my news is that Nick has found another job. As of April 28th he will be employed by someone else. Yaaa! He’s going back to the sign-writing game. He will actually be doing all sorts of stuff, like decaling and window tinting, which is right up his alley. And even better is in town and for a little more money to start than he’s getting now. He’s happy, I’m happy. The boss man is pretty unhappy though. When Nick started here is was to wash cars for a few months until he found something else or went to school. Almost a year and a half later he’s doing everything from racing stripes to changing heater cores. But as far as I’m concerned he’s still getting paid to clean vehicles. Plus we were never supposed to work together for this long. I am so ready to miss him again.

I’m glad this came along because up until last week he was considering going back to his old job and the old hour and a half each way drive. The money would’ve been incredible but I really do mean it when I say that money isn’t everything. I like money, a lot, but I would rather have him home in the evenings and on the weekends with half the pay cheque than have a big bank account and no time to do anything with it. I hated that drive, especially in the winter.

It was interesting working together for this long though. Although I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it or say that it’s a normal situation for a couple I am happy to know that our relationship didn’t suffer from spending such an (unnatural?) excessive amount of time together. It’s comforting to know that we still love every second together even after there being such an enormous amount of those seconds in the last year and a half. But now not seeing him throughout the day and maybe even the occasional Saturday I will be able to miss him again and I’ll get back that feeling of looking forward to seeing him. Plus I can’t wait to have something new to talk about during the ‘how was your day’ conversation.

When you’ve started to feel the teeth grinding, fist clenching frustration of hating your workplace the last thing you want is to go home every night and discuss it with someone who’s not only aware of how frustrating it is but is actually more aggravated by it. Then instead of being able to leave the irritants at work and just getting to vent to a sympathetic ear when you get home you find yourselves ranting to/at each other and rehashing all the BS you would just as soon forget. One nice thing is that now when I come home and need to vent Nick will understand exactly what I’m talking about. And then I’ll get to listen to something new (and hopefully much less aggravating) about Nick’s new and interesting days.

So ya. Some good news for us.

Holy Crap!

2008-04-08T16:41:00.002-07:00

We're going to see Alice Cooper in September!

I don't think I've ever been looking forward to September in April before.

We Have Such Awesome Friends

2008-04-01T11:55:00.002-07:00

Do your ever watch ‘King of Queens’? It’s one of those shows I didn’t watch when it was on the air but I’ve discovered it in syndication. It’s actually quite funny. Anywho, on it they have two single guy friends who are not a couple but often act like it, blah blah blah. My point to this seemingly pointless piece of uselessness is that our two closest friends are very much like the male uncouple on ‘King of Queens’.

So last night The Uncouple came over for a drink and a BS and we (I) decided we should play a game of some sort. Because otherwise after everyone sits down and has a few drinks and pass arounds then we all just sit there and zone out in front of the TV. Not very fun or social. But I’ve found that if I make them play a board or card game then it’s a) active(ish) b) social c) fucking hilarious. The game I chose last night is called ‘You Must be Joking’ or something like that. The year on the box was 1987, so it was slightly dated but not too ancient. Anyway, the point of the game is the same as the word game ‘Dirty Minds’ only there are more puzzles and they aren’t dirty sounding.

To quickly explain why this is going to be funny, the point of the game is for someone to read a total of three clues and if you guess on the first clue then it’s three points, second clue is two and third is one. The clues are pun-y things like “What’s long, hard and full of seamen”. Why am I explaining this? Here’s the one puzzle I found particularly side-splitting. Keep in mind that you are hearing these out loud and therefore can’t see the spelling

The category is people:
1) He dropped the ‘receiver’ after getting ‘cut off’
2) He would often ‘Gogh’ ‘canvassing’ for ‘support’
3) This ‘Van’ had a custom ‘paint job’

Sounds easy enough when you read the clues. Of course the answer was ‘Van Gogh’. Apparently not so easy when you hear it out loud.

After clue 1 we had one answer for three points. ‘Telephone’. I did not hear the category.

After clue 2 we had one answer for two points. ‘Jehovah Witness’. Simply outstanding, Nicholas.

And finally, after hearing all three clues and going for that safe one point, Dave came up with this little piece of brilliance. His answer was ‘The A-Team’.

How fucking retarded can we be?

I Hate the J.W.s

2008-03-26T15:40:00.001-07:00

Jaywalkers. You’re next on my list of people I loathe.

I freely admit that I do not consistently restrict my street crossing to the designated areas. I will occasionally travel “as the crow flies” but the difference between my trek-ular indiscretions and the people I hate is simple diligence. I only do it if no one is coming and I can clearly see that no one will be coming in the time it will take me to cross. Plus I hustle and I don’t expect people too stop and let me cross; or even make it look like I want people to stop for me.

The people I hate, on the other hand, are not diligent. They do not hustle and they do expect motorists to stop for them. I will not stop for jaywalkers. First of all, it’s dangerous and stupid. If you stop in the middle of the street for no reason then you’re leaving yourself (more) open to getting rear ended. And just because you saw the person crossing and stopped for them doesn’t mean opposing traffic did or will – this is especially true with multiple lane thoroughfares (and is even true of crossing on a crosswalk). This is one of the main reasons why jaywalking is dangerous for the pedestrian. Many jaywalkers don’t look, they assume that if one car stopped then the rest of them will, and they meander ever so slowly across the street. And the biggest assholes just start walking, they don’t wait or look. And a lot of them are only a short distance from an actual cross walk making them lazy and ignorant.

Also on my A-Hole of the Day list are the buttplugs that stop for jaywalkers. They fuck up the flow of traffic, if you’re behind them you have to slam your brakes on if they stop suddenly to let someone cross – and in the winter that means sliding all over the place. If you’re coming down the opposite side of the street you run the risk of running the jaywalker over (partially) because of the dick that’s facilitating their malcrossage. I guess people think they’re doing something nice by letting people cross but in reality they’re just doing something stupid and dangerous.

So just don’t fucking jaywalk on a busy street, ok? Use the goddamn crosswalk! And also, use the crosswalk when it’s applicable – don’t cross on a red light. The incident that made me think of this rant was some stupid, rude welfare bitch sauntering across the street against a red light pushing a stroller with 2 or 3 little kids in tow. We were pulled into the intersection, on our green light, and had to stop in the middle to accommodate her leisurely little amble across the street. And not once did she even look or speed up. Then after that I really noticed people jaywalking all over the place and it progressed into a tirade from there. There are so many rude, ignorant people in this town that have absolutely no regard for anyone or anything else. But, that’s a rant for another day.

Next up: people who don’t pull over for emergency vehicles.

Ewwww...

2008-03-19T15:41:00.007-07:00

You Are a Colon

You are very orderly and fact driven.
You aren't concerned much with theories or dreams... only what's true or untrue.

You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched.
You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren't subject to whim or emotions.

Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice.
(But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!)

You excel in: Leadership positions

You get along best with: The Semi-Colon

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Yep, really bored.

I've had a ridiculous amount of coffee today and I no longer seem able to focus. So I'm not gonna.

The McRib is Back Today!

2008-03-17T14:33:00.002-07:00

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I love this ‘holiday’. I don’t have a clue what it’s supposed to be about and I’m reasonable sure that I’m not (very?) Irish, but I do love the color green and the idea of putting food coloring in my booze! And while I may be the only one who purposely wore green today, I’m pretty sure I won’t be the only one drinking green cocktails tonight.

On a completely unrelated note, my wonky thyroid is now 100% on track according to my doc. I’m actually getting a little more medicine than I really need, which means I should have energy out the ass and be losing weight. I don’t and I’m not. So he has decided to keep me on the same slightly high dose. This is all well and good except now I don’t have a handy little built-in blame-all for my laziness and lack of ambition. Now that the medical part of my reason for being so blah and uninspired is taken care of I have to face the grim reality of my personality: I suck.

It was all too convenient to just be all “I would do that, but I’m too tired ‘cause of my effed up ‘roid so I’ll just watch some ‘Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ and eat Cheetos instead ”. (No, I’ve never actually referred to it as my ‘roid, it just came to me now) So just like those crazy celebrities and their ADD, my hypothyroidism was just a great little scapegoat. Well, no more ‘scaping I guess, time to face the indolent music.

But where’s the fun in that? Let’s just move onto the next excuse instead. My new reason for being a sloth is work. I receive absolutely no stimulation or inspiration from my career. In fact, coming to work and hating it more every day is actually quite exhausting. I won’t go on and on about how ridiculous this place is – I actually started an entry about it and had to quit because it turned into a two page long rant that trailed off into a giant Office Space ‘pieces of flare’ reference. To sum it up, I think that when you walk through the front door of this place you enter a different dimension. I work in the Twylight Zone.

Anyway, as a start to at least pretending I have some ambition we are planning to paint the living room and hallway this long weekend. We have lived in our house for almost 2.5 years and we’ve got approximately 1.2 rooms painted and put new floor in the living room and hallway. That’s pretty well it. And as for the flooring, the baseboards are still leaning against the walls and the doorways are all rough edges, so I can’t even say we completed that project. Oh, and I got bored last summer and ripped the carpet out of the bedroom, so we have stained, paint splattered faux-parquet stick on tiles in there that will one day be covered with new carpet. I seem to be ok at starting projects but not too great with finishing them. But, my point is, I’m trying to get off to a good start this spring but actually starting – and finishing! – a moderately sized project this Easter weekend.

Ya, we’ll see.

And, the McRib is back today! I know, they’re gross, but I still have the urge to eat one. Just one though. In honor, here’s something from The Simpson’s Rib-wich episode. One’s stupid and the other is in French. Sorry, it’s all I could find!

Stupid

French

Is this Better?

2008-02-20T16:42:00.000-07:00

I am the #1 result for a Google Blog Search of “misanthropic bitch”. I feel so honored.

So in honor of the occasion, here’s who I hate today. Kids. Especially high school kids. It seems like they have gotten really, really stupid. My dad always used to preach about using common sense and how you can’t teach common sense. Well, I agree that you should have it and use it but if it can’t be taught then the majority of the teenage population is completely fucked.

As I may have mentioned in previous rantings and/or ravings I have to go past the high school every morning on my way to work. Sometimes my timing is OK and it’s not a gong show, but that is very rare. The other morning I was driving past the school, going 30 like I should’ve been, and this stupid kid proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that common sense has no place among his kind. The cross walk is right off a side street, so anyone walking to school down that street would have to do nothing more than walk in a perfectly straight line to go from down the street to across the cross walk to the high school. Nope, too simple.

This stupid kid walks down the cross walk adjacent street, practically crawls up a huge, sloppy snow bank and goes about 20 feet down from the cross walk on top of said bank and THEN decides to cross the street. From out behind a car stopped behind someone turning left. Without looking to see if anyone was coming the other way. Well, there was someone coming the other way, ME. I saw the stupid little shit clamber up and along the snow bank and thought “wow, what a asinine place to walk” but assumed he was going somewhere other than the school. So I continued along at 30, looking ahead, and just caught the retard stepping into my lane out of the corner of my eye. He got a pretty good glare and I really should’ve flipped him off but it was early and I didn’t quite have my wits about me yet. And if the little dick had decided to run across the street instead on walk he would’ve been run into. And then I’d have to replace another plastic bumper cover. And that would be unfortunate (the bumper cover, not the kid), they’re f-ing expensive.

(And happy 200th blog post to me!)

Time to Plug

2008-02-18T14:27:00.002-07:00

I have to plug a new product. Debbie Meyer Green Bags. I saw an infomercial for these a while ago and I thought they looked interesting but every time I buy something like that it never works like it should; I assumed that if I ordered them I would be spending 20$ on plain ‘ol plastic bags and Debbie Meyer would be laughing all the way to the bank. Yet I couldn’t stop thinking about these things every time I looked in the fridge or the fruit bowl and saw soft, limp, slightly decayed fruit and veggies that I would end up throwing out. I researched them a little and they seemed to get good reviews so I thought, WTF, I’ll give it a try.

I was still feeling like an ass for spending just about $25 bucks on plastic bags when I stuffed the first three with oranges, cauliflower and onion. I deliberately left two oranges out in the general population of the fruit bowl to see what, if any, differences there would between the bagged and unbagged. Well, holy shit, these things work AWESOME! Like, TOTALLY awesome. Too the max even!

The oranges out in the open are getting all dried out and wrinkly looking, but the ones in the bag are still bright and smooth. The cauliflower has been in the fridge for probably about a week and there are no brown spots developing on the top like there would’ve been with a regular bag. I’m excited to try bananas. I put some lettuce in there yesterday and I’m curious to see if it’ll stay fresh and crisp for an extended period of time. Also, this just in, I’m a complete dork.

Seriously though, these things are great if you are never able to consume all of the produce before it expires. We were always throwing out tons of fruit and veggies and now that I know these things work so well we will definitely save more than enough to cover the cost of the bags. Plus, there were 20 bags in the set, 10 small and 10 large, and you can rinse and reuse them. So we should be good for a long time. And you can use them in the fridge and out.

So ya, great buy. I think with taxes and shipping and everything they were a grand total of $24.90. We probably ended up chucking about that much every six weeks or so. But now no more waste! Hurry and order your Debbie Meyer Green Bags today!

Hey, Debbie Meyer, if you’re listening how ‘bout kicking a little commission my way?

So Ready Now

2008-02-13T13:25:00.001-07:00

In the year proceeding our engagement I had a few little concerns about what it really meant to be engaged and then to actually be married. None of them had anything to do with whether or not I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Nick or if we were right for each other, I’ve never been more sure (there’s spell check with the “more surer” thing again) of anything in my life than I am about that. They mostly had to do with family. Originally I felt that when you marry someone you marry their family in a way. They become your family too. And that was the part I wasn’t ready for.

During the course of the last year or so I changed my way of thinking. After talking to different people, including my own mommy, I came to form the opinion that our union was just that, ours. The ring on my finger is between the two of us, as our marriage will be. Just because you will one day share a last name with a different group of people doesn’t mean that they have any say or any part in your lives above what you as a couple decide is acceptable. And if they don’t agree with what you’ve decided then that’s just too bad. If I hadn’t came to this realization I might not be wearing this gorgeous ring right now, which would really be a shame.

I’m just damn lucky that Nick shares this opinion. We are us and that is that.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

2008-01-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

When my sister and I were little my dad would always be giving us shit for dragging our feet when we walked. We’d often get that clip upside the head and a sharp “pick up your goddamn feet!” At the time I imagine we just thought dad was an asshole and we never understood what the dig deal was with not “picking up your feet” when you walked. Well, needless to say, I get it now.

One of our employees (who also happens to be the ass that whistles constantly, and gets louder when he comes into the showroom and even louder when there’s lots of people around because apparently he thinks everyone wants to hear him making that gross sound) is terrible for not picking up his feet when he walks. He shuffles around like a damn penguin, barely even lifting up his feet, whistling “The Saints go Marching in” all fucking day long. I really, really dislike this guy. And I really don’t want to sound politically incorrect and this isn’t meant to be offensive or insensitive or whatever, but the guy also happens to look like he has Down Syndrome. So it’s like having a big, annoying penguin with Down Syndrome shuffling around whistling all damn day. I’m sorry if that sounds awful but it’s a very apt description.

I am having a very hard time coming to work these days. I can’t say quite yet that I hate my job, what I actually do is still the same old thing, but I can say that I hate the place of. It feels like it happened overnight but the reality of the situation is that things have been on a slippery downward slope for a long time. It’s really hard to come to work and actually care about what you do and how it affects the business when no one around you does. All day I’m surrounded by people that just don’t give a shit; and the worst part is that they’re only following an example so you can’t even really hold it against them. For the most part. It’s one thing to not give a shit because no one around you or above you does and there’s no recourse for it, but it’s another to actually expel more energy thinking of new and creative ways to waste time than it would to just do your fucking job. All that does is make the day go by slower. And make you look like a fucking douche. But apparently hanging around and leaning on counters all day and fucking off periodically for no real reason makes you a superstar.

I think of the state of this company in these terms: the business had essentially been put on metaphorical cruise control while it was on a relatively straight, flat road – it may keep going for quite some time, but it can’t run like that forever. Eventually it’s going to crash or run out of gas. It looks like there’s a cliff coming up. And the gas light just came on.

R.I.P Max Grip

2008-01-17T18:13:00.000-07:00

You will be greatly missed.

...

2008-01-16T14:49:00.001-07:00

I’m having some trouble wanting to write about anything these days. So here’s a little quickie update:

- We finally sold the Explorer and Nick’s much loved (but much needed a new home) truck. My Explorer went to a different town to live with a really nice lady. Nick’s truck went to some dickhead kid who had it on a flat bed with the rear end fucked up within two weeks and had the side smashed in within a month. Nick also sold his drums so there was a nice little influx of cash in our household.

- Christmas was fine. The best part was when it was over.

- I am going to be an Auntie in August. I feel many different ways about this and have many different things to say about it but I won’t right now. But the predominant feeling is mild excitement.

- I am experiencing extreme work place related frustration. I have decided that I want to retire. Now.

- We purchased a Wii and a small aquarium with our Christmas money. So now we can bowl in the comfort of our own living room whilst gazing lovingly at our little gold fish Max Grip and Hank Scorpio. ("Don't call me Mr. Scorpion, it's Mr. Scorpio but don't call me that either", Hank Scorpio to Homer Simpson)

- I really love being engaged.

That’s really all I can remember. I guess it’s safe to say that not much has happened.

So, how ‘bout 2007? Quite a year for celebrities; it started with rehab being the new black but by the end DUIs were all the rage. Getting knocked up was really in as well. However for me over here in the real world things were very, very well – consistent.

2007 was a very stagnant year. It was good, we really enjoyed the unprecedented amount of “us” time, but we really didn’t get much accomplished. I guess it was kinda our year off in a way. There won’t be too many more of them where we can just do, or not do, whatever we want. It may not have been very productive, but it was very enjoyable. So please forgive me for not having a big grandiose recap-a-rama.

As for resolutions, is there really any point? No, no there isn’t. All resolutions do is make you feel like a giant failure when you don’t accomplish any of them. The only thing I consider a “resolution” is to eat better – 5 to 10 a day goddammit! And the only reason this is really a resolution is because I told myself that I could wait until after the holidays to really put effort into it. Other than that, fuck the resolutions. And fuck failure.

So ya, really not much else going on. Winter is boring. I have a few other things I kinda want to blither about but I think they’ll come out all rambly and weird (even more so than this steaming pile) so maybe I’ll save them for another day.

Um, Happy New Year?

2008-01-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

How Much Are You Worth?

Congratulations, according to our experts, you are worth :

$7,181,791

Find out how much you are worth at Quizopolis.com

Wow, this thing is even more ingenious than blogthings – they apparently have experts and shit. Whatever, if I thought I could get over 7 mill I’d sell myself out in a heart beat.

Sorry I’ve pretty much crapped out. I have too much rattling around in my little noggin to concentrate on the daily annoyances that I usually rant about. And I don’t really want to write about the things rattling around just yet.

So I’ll just leave it at this – I fucking hate whistling. What the hell makes people think those around them want to listen to “The Fucking Saints go Fucking Marching in” all fucking day long? Or any other tune for that matter. Or any semblance of a tune. Don’t whistle unless you’re alone. Don’t whistle when you’re at work, or in a place of business. I HATE WHISTLING.

Ya, so, I’ll maybe think about trying to do some kind of a year end/beginning post type thing in the possibly not too distant future. We shall see.

Color me Green

2007-12-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

You're a Total Grinch

Ouch! You make the Grinch seem like Santa Claus. Holidays definitely aren't your thing.
Just relax, and create your own tradition. Even if it's drinking spiked hot chocolate and heckling carolers.

Are You a Grinch?

It’s true, it’s like Blogthings really gets me, ya know? So insightful and in depth.

I hate Christmas. There, I said it. I hate the carols, I hate the crowds, I even hate the paper and the bows. I hate Christmas.

Everything seems so forced and fake; everything is only being done because we have to not because we want to. It isn’t right. Nick is talking about going away next year. I am starting to think that’s a good idea. Both of our immediate families are at the stage where there are no little kids, the youngest sister is almost 18, so is Christmas really necessary? I mean, if we really want to be selfish assholes we only have a few more years to do it. I don’t find any excitement in Christmas morning, the shopping for presents aggravates and frustrates me, the family obligations do nothing more for me than induce an eye roll and a sigh. There are no decorations in our house this year – I didn’t even get around to putting balls on the ficus this time around. All this X-Mas animosity and I’m even feeling better than I was this time last year. I must really be a grinch. Or an asshole.

I am actually more “together” this year than I was last year, but that is only due to the medication having “fixed” my procrastination. Just because I did it, and in a timely and efficient manor, doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. I made lists, I added to them when I got new ideas and subtracted from them when I picked something up. And now that I have all the buying done I have little to no desire to leave the house until the new year. I hate going shopping and watching people drop hundreds (or thousands) of dollars on this stupid holiday. I’m pretty sure the whole point of celebrating the birth of Santa wasn’t to cover your house in LED lights and blow-up (reindeer) dolls. The whole thing is such a money grab it makes me want to vomit with rage.

I guess we had better enjoy our unlit and tree-less Decembers while we can because if we ever have kids there will be no more grinchiness. But until then we’re going to sleep until at least 10 on Christmas morning and the singing Homer will be our only festive decoration.

I HATE CHRISTMAS.

Holy Crap...

2007-12-03T19:51:00.001-07:00

...I'm engaged!

I mean, 'we're' engaged. Nick proposed! I am officially wearing an engagement ring, which was purchased in an actual jewellery store, cost more than $30 and was presented to me on bended knee! No more Zellers stainless steel and cut glass for me!

I am actually a lot more excited than I thought I'd be. Not about a wedding, a real traditional 'wedding' is never, EVER going to happen. I'm excited that we're no longer screwing around. We are officially and for real... real and official. I don't really know how to explain why I'm excited. I just feel so happy - I feel like I want to say relieved, but that isn't right - that Nick took this step and that one more thing has fallen into place in our (great!) life. It just feels so completely, indescribably right.

It wasn't really a shock or a surprise that I finally got a ring. I mean, once you've signed papers linking you together in debt for the next 21.5 years getting married is no longer a 'what if', it's an eventuality. I don't mean for that to sound grim, it's just that when you make a decision like that it says more about your intentions as a couple than gold and diamonds ever could. Which does take a little of the romance away from the engagement. Or at least I thought it would. For as long as we've lived together and everyone's known we're a 'done deal' and for as long as my family has been politely prodding Nick with little "where the hell's the ring" pokes, everyone was still so genuinely excited and happy for us, and even pleasantly surprised. And so was I.

I always wondered how Nick would do it. He was a history of having things not turn out like he planned. He also has a history of completely and totally fucking stuff up. But everything was perfect, simple and sweet and genuine - which sums up Nick to a T.

Thursday was Nick's 24th birthday. We we're going out for dinner and, as per usual, I was standing in the porch with my shoes on waiting for him to find his wallet. I'm tapping my foot and rolling my eyes, as per usual, and Nick says from the other room, "do you want a present?" I said, "no, it's your birthday, I don't need a present!" He said, "well, all your birthday presents were so good I want to give you one". I said, "no that's silly; just leave it for my birthday!" My birthday is in two weeks and I just assumed that he was going to give me something little that he had already bought for my birthday or Christmas. Nick doesn't really like being fussed over and I thought he felt kinda guilty getting showered with gifts, even though it was HIS birthday. So I sighed and said "fine, but hurry up!" He told me to close my eyes. So I did, but thought he was going to play a trick on me or give me something goofy. In all honesty I thought it was going to be something retarded with cats on it, he's always getting me cat stuff. He said "ok, you can open them", and when I did he was in front of me, down on one knee, holding a gorgeous diamond and white gold three stone engagement ring. He said "do you wanna get married or something?" and I started to cry a little and said "um, I think there's something else you're supposed to say". Nick said "will you marry me?" I said "yes!" and he slipped that beautiful ring on my finger. It was so adorable, and so perfect in its simplicity.

The reason he said "do you wanna get married or something" wasn't actually because he's a wiener; it had a very special and sweet significance. On May 3rd, 1999 when we were 15 and in the tenth grade that was how he first asked me out. "I have a question for ya. Umm, do you wanna go out or something?" It was so cute and dorky and I have always joked with him about it. And I thought it was really sweet that he used the same line when he proposed, so cute and dorky and Nick. In grade 10 little dorky me froze and said “umm, I’ll have to think about it. But I’ll let you know tomorrow!” Then I hung up the phone feeling both giddy and retarded. I didn’t have the same dorky reply this time though, I was just a little more sure of myself. Spell check says that should say ‘more surer of myself’ – does that sound right to you?

Anyways, I should stop know because this is starting to ramble. I’m just still excited and I wanted to write that all down. The next day we left for Edmonton and we got back this afternoon. We had a great time together, I was able to get my ring sized w/o having to send it away and it was a perfect way to spend the first days of engage-dom. Ok, enough for now. Ya for me! (us!)

(Sorry for the shitty picture. I took it in the car earlier today and then switched it to black and white because I hate knuckles, and the B&W seemed to lessen the knuckle ugliness)

Hyper Lame

2007-11-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

I had to share this little household tip with my dear readership of three (and mom, and Auntie Debbie, and the people that stumble across me while searching “gyno etiquette” and “pap smears” – I wrote about it once, in passing, I’m not the authority on the subject dammit!).

Did you know that the cheapest, easiest and most effective way to sharpen the blades in your garbage disposal is to simply put ice cubes in the thing and crush ‘em up? Yeah I know, crazy right? All you do if throw a bunch of ice cubes down the drain and turn the thing on. And, if you want to deodorize whilst you sharpen you can freeze some vinegar into cubes and use those (although that makes your entire freezer and fridge reek of vinegar for a looong time). I know it makes me hyper lame (but so does using the phrase “hyper lame”) but I thought that was the greatest thing ever. The blades on ours have been dull for a while and I finally looked up how to sharpen them on the interweb. I envisioned having to tear the thing apart and then never getting it back together again. Nope, just as simple as throwing ice down the drain. Amazing! And it really does work.

I know it’s sad that sharpening the garbage disposal blades has been the only thing that’s seemed blogworthy lately. We’re off to Edmonton at the end of the week for our yearly Christmas shopping/eating at restaurants we don’t have here trip. It looks like it’ll just be Nick and I this year which is ok, we always have fun doing stuff with just the two of us. I imagine we’ll pass on the seal lions this trip but as long as I get Taco Bell and the Olive Garden then I’m happy.

Yes, it was the Screamapillar

2007-11-22T08:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Jen the Obscure for answering my lame trivia question. It was indeed the Screamapillar from the Simpsons. I like that awful thing because it reminds me of my Scunge cat.

She kinda has an awful scream, not unlike the Screamapillar. Though I'm quite certain that she isn't sexually attracted to fire.

Easy Trivia for a Cold Wednesday

2007-11-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

What cartoon animal that was only featured in one episode had the characteristics “is sexually attracted to fire” and “without constant reassurance it will die”?

Very easy, but I hadn’t posted in a while and I watched this one a little bit ago.

Misanthropic Bitch o Rama

2007-11-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

I finally have my new glasses and thank god for that. I didn’t realize how much I needed them until I had to do without for a week. Being able to see really is a privilege. I’m happy with my new specs; they’re bigger and geekier than their predecessors and I like that. It’s all part of my plan to slowly fade into the background until I disappear. Today was steps one and two: step one, wear an outfit that incorporates two uber bland shades of grey, perfectly enabling background blending while still matching stylishly. Step two, glasses that say “I’m just a geeky dork; please feel free to pretend I’m not here”.

It is now winter driving conditions in Dodge. I hate it. I hate people. I hate that I hate people so much, but it can’t be helped. My misanthropia (I guess that’s not really a word) is becoming debilitating.

Kids are such assholes. Why is it cool to slide and spin around on purpose on the ice? Why do these morons think flying around a corner, turning around 360 degrees in the middle of an intersection and bouncing off a curb makes them superstars? I really shouldn’t single out kids for this as there are plenty of adult assholes who think sliding around on the ice makes people think their penis is bigger – one of our techs, who is a whole 28 days younger than me, spun around on the street in front of the dealership this morning and smashed into a light post. Idiot. What the hell is wrong with people? Why do they equate being an idiotic asshole with being cool?

I don’t get any of it. The loud exhaust, the annoying stereo, the driving like an asshole – why? Why do these retards think people hear that shit and go “wow, that guy is my hero”? News flash, aside from other retards and 15 year old girls no one is thinking your roaring exhaust makes you cool. Most people with half a brain are more likely thinking “aww, poor guy, I bet his dick’s so small it actually goes inside of him”. Well, that’s what I think anyways. I assume that anyone so interested in the loud obnoxious flash must have a very tiny doodle. Now, the guy driving the 1995 Corolla that only has two speakers, he is obviously very secure in his manhood. Believe me.

I loathe sitting in our living room watching people fishtail around the corner, sliding back and forth all the way down the street, maybe hitting the curb. We live across from an elementary school. Who the fuck do these retards think they're impressing? No one is going to be impressed if they lose control and hit a little kid.

I have just had it with assholes. People who think wrecking stuff, disturbing people and just generally being a complete annoying dick is cool absolutely make me want to vomit with rage. They are really the ones who need to fade away until they disappear.

Friday Cluster Fuck

2007-11-02T16:31:00.000-07:00

Why do large fuck ups always come to light on a Friday afternoon at 3:30? Why don’t you ever find them on like a Tuesday at 10 am?

At least this large f-up was 110% not my fault. Those are the best kind, I suppose. We accidentally sold a customer the wrong truck. Well, they’re driving around in the right truck, put they are making loan and insurance payments on a different one. Fun stuff. Lots of shuffling and adjusting now. But I thought, f the f-up, it’ll still be there on Monday and I just plain don’t feel like dealing with it right now.

I have not had glasses for the last two and a half days and I feel blind and ugly without them. My eyes seem extra dry for some reason and it feels like I look half asleep and dowdy. My glasses met their end by way of ass crushing and I won’t have my new ones until Monday. It was time for a new pair but I sure wish I had a spare set in the mean time. I am excited about the new ones though. The color isn’t as good as the old ones but I love the shape – almost a bit of a cat-eye style. New glasses day is always a good day. But the blind ugly days pretty much suck.

I am still not feeling well, my throat still hurts and now my ears hurt as well. I went to the lab on Wednesday and they took a large quantity of blood out of me. I find out on Thursday if I’m dying or not. My life has been pretty damn drab lately.

If This Were Seventh Grade This Might be a Big Deal

2007-10-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct.

It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.
If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.
As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.
And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

But it isn't so it's not. I'm just dying of boredom. And an illness that I'm starting to think is the plague. Or SARS.

I had a very unpleasant cold last month that hung on well into October with all its phlegmy might. Then on Monday it decided to just start back up again and have another go at destroying me from the inside.

On Tuesday I stayed home and glued my ass to the couch. Around 3pm my throat was on fire and I remembered that there were popsicles in the deep freeze. I got up to go get a red one and when I opened the deep freeze I instantly got a big wiff of gross. What the hell? I thought. When I poked whatever was on the top it was completely defrosted and barely even cool. Something had happened, apparently several days before, and the stupid thing had completely defrosted. Thank god there wasn’t much messy food in there, but there was one roast and a lot of popsicles and Freezies. So I got to spend the next hour in my PJs with my throat still on fire cleaning up the inch or so deep blood/popsicle sludge at the bottom on the deep freeze. And the puddle on the floor underneath the freezer from the water that poured down off the open door. Lovely.

Anyway, I haven’t really been feeling my witty, charming self. Hopefully I’ll feel a little better once I finally hack up the piece of lung it feels like I’m working on.

I'm Still Alive - and Bitchy

2007-10-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Here’s one that can be filed in the WTF category of the world. Why is it that you can pick up a phone book, or go on a white pages web site, and get a physical street address of most anybody – the exact location of their domicile – but you can’t get someone’s post office box number? Why? How stupid is that?

I actually phoned the post office a while ago (ok, maybe it was a few years ago) and asked them if there was anyway to get a box number for someone. They said that they can’t give out that information, it’s “personal”, and there’s no way to look it up. Well, how retarded is that? It’s nowhere near as “personal” as someone’s physical address but any jackass who happens to wonder by a pay phone can obtain that; assuming they can read and operate a thick book.

Anyway, it’s just dumb.

I’m in a peevey mood this morning so here’s another one I found in the “archives” of my Word file where my (sporadic) blogs are born.

People will often call with the sole purpose of obtaining a phone number; they aren’t phoning to see if we can help them and then find out after dialling us that they need an additional phone number, they call with the specific intention of getting a number – they are aware before even picking up the phone that they will be receiving information that they will most likely need to record somehow. (WOW, long sentence) It peeves me beyond belief how many people will stop me two digits into the number and say, “hang on, I need a pen”. Well no shit you need a pen. You didn’t realize this before? And some of them don’t just take a quick two seconds to grab one, they rattle around forever looking for a writing stick and a piece of paper. Have a little foresight, people!

Cabin in the woods kinda day.

Half Way Hoity Toity

2007-09-25T20:42:00.000-07:00

Or maybe more like 1/4 way. Let's just be on the safe side and go with 1/8. I guess the real wine and cheese connoisseurs probably have something in mind other than Wild Vines and parmesan in a can, but it makes quite a gross yet yummy web surfing snack if you ask me. Which no one did but I felt the need to mention it anyway because I haven't blogged in awhile and I run out of things to do while I wait for the music I am legally downloading to finish.

I had a craving for some Tonic so I had to download "If You Could Only See". Very great tune.

First Day of Winter?

2007-09-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

This was the view from our living room window yesterday morning. Nice, eh? Here's our patio furniture:

Kinda looks familiar. My body decided to respond to the unseasonal weather my finally letting loose the cold that I've felt coming for the past week or so. Lovely. Now everything feels like winter. Right now, according to Weather Network, it's -4. Fabulous.

There are very few positive things about cold weather as far as I'm concerned. One of them is the smell of the furnace the first time you turn it on in the fall. I don't know why, but there's something comforting about the smell of burning dust. I love the sound of the furnace, I always have. When it kicks on and everything works properly and all it's "stuff" happens at the right times then everything seems right in the world. Now, when you don't hear the right noises in the right places that's a whole other story.

It's Over

2007-09-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Thank god. Allie the cross eyed cat is no longer a resident at our home.

There was no big fight; there were no threats or harsh words. He avoided me until Saturday morning when I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on anymore so I made a phone call. I fully expected to get his voice mail but the ex picked up on the second ring, obviously relieved that I made the follow up move to my bitter message so he didn't have to. He said "hey". I said "hey, what's up?". He said "I'll be there to get Allie this weekend". I said "good". Then we talked for a few minutes and that was that. The ex said that he would be there Sunday morning and I said that would be fine because we didn't have to leave until 4 pm for dinner at the in-law's. And true to form, he didn't arrive until 3:30 pm. But I can handle his expected tardiness because that awful little thing is GONE!

The stupidest thing about this whole ridiculous situation is that none of my involvement was even remotely necessary. All he's doing is taking the thing home to GP with him at the same risk that his room mate will be pissed off as there was a month ago when he moved and left her with me. And I’m still about 99% sure that he does not have any arrangements for her. At least if he would’ve taken her with him when he moved a pissed off room mate would’ve been some incentive to get his shit together. BUT frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shit, because my part is over and nothing like this will EVER happen again. I have learned my lesson.

The one sorta good thing about this was the strong reminder of how happy I am with Nicholas and how glad I am that I didn’t stay with the ex any longer. I didn’t need a reminder – there was never any doubt in my mind that I made the right decision – but it did make me more aware of how nice it is to have someone who isn’t a gigantic fuck up.

Ahhh, now I can’t wait to clean the house top to bottom and remove any sign of our unwanted guest’s short tenancy.

Yep

2007-09-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

Shouldn't this be considered prostitution?

Déjà Vu - Now with 97% More Urine!

2007-09-11T20:19:00.001-07:00

This is very long and the main point is urine, you are forewarned.

I am in what can only be described as an Extremely Pissy Mood today. Why, you ask? Because at 8 am this morning when I should’ve been sitting down listening to the news and doing my makeup I was up to my elbows in cat piss. Which really makes the term Extremely Pissy Mood very apropos, doesn’t it?

I am a real sucker when it comes to animals. I love them, I am a complete and total softy and if it is in my power to help one I will. I think I need to learn how to be an asshole because right now I am being completely and totally taken advantage of because of the fact that I love animals.

My ex boyfriend is, well, to put it bluntly, a real loser. He is a very nice, pleasant person, but he has a huge problem with procrastination and is generally extremely irresponsible. Which are the main reasons we split. His way of thinking was/is ignore it and it’ll go away – that is basically his motto. And he is not open to suggestion when it comes to things he knows need to be done but he isn’t, for whatever reason, doing – because then you are ‘lecturing him’. So if something needed to be done and he had been putting it off for whatever asshead reason it became more and more of a ‘big deal’, he became more and more stressed over it and there was absolutely no way you could tell him that he needed to get his ass in gear. So then a Tiny Little Task became a Great Big Mess. In fact, he actually has ulcers because of the ridiculous way he conducts his personal life. He is also famous for doing things like telling someone he’ll do something and then going home and locking the door, turning the lights off and refusing to answer the phone. Essentially making himself look like a real dick just to avoid the minute confrontation that would possibly (and almost certainly wouldn’t) arise from being honest and just saying he didn’t want to. Basically, his line of thinking was completely fucked and the end never justified the means with anything he did. I don’t need to go into (any more) great detail because it doesn’t really have anything to do with why I am a sucker and had to spend the morning cleaning up pee. But, at the very least, he is not on the ball. And it kinda felt good to write that.

So about a month ago we went over to the sis in law’s for a little soiree and when we stumbled home at 2 am there was a voicemail. It was from the ex. Who I haven’t spoken too in over a year. And the last time we did speak the words were not pleasant. Another trick he liked to use was leaving a message through voicemail so he could bypass actually calling and wouldn’t have to actually talk to you but still put the ball in your court. Which is completely spineless. And even though I knew full well that he had done that he still pretended that he had called and the message started with “oh, hello? Oh, sorry, I thought it was ringing…”. Bullshit, he did the little weasel ‘send a message’ thing through voicemail – I’m not that big a sucker. Anyways, that also has no bearing on the pee. So the gist of the message was “boo hoo, poor me, two of my cats died in the last month and I’m moving to GP and my room mate won’t let me keep my remaining cat and I need someone to take care of her until I make arrangements to have her sent to my mom in Saskatchewan and I can’t trust anyone else”. And, as I said, I am a complete softy when it comes to animals. So I called back and agreed to help.

I felt bad for him because as retarded and irresponsible as he is he really does love animals and those cats of his were the only part of his life where he demonstrated any responsibility. I felt bad hearing that he had lost his other two kitties and I knew that it had probably really hurt him because I know that in his f-ed up, dramatic way of thinking they were ‘all he had left’. So I called him back and agreed to cat sit Allie the Cross Eyed Cat until he made her flight arrangements.

Well, long story considerably longer than it needed to be, Allie the cat is not a happy camper. Fontaine is obsessed with her and the poor thing can’t walk two feet without interference from Fontaine the Land Whale. Allie has pretty much been confined to the top of the TV stand and I’m guessing that Fontaine wasn’t even letting her sneak by to use the kitty washroom. The poor shit couldn’t hold it and pissed all over the place. It was on the stand, the TV, the satellite receiver, the Playstation, the DVD player, the VCR and assorted movies and games (one of which was a rental and several belonged to Nick’s youngest sister). It was a lot of damn piss. And the only reason I even saw what had happened (and thank god for small miracles) was because I heard Allie scratching the TV stand, trying to burry it. I feel bad for the cat, but I feel worse for the me that had to scrub piss first thing this morning.

I phoned the ex and left a message immediately after my scrub fest telling him that this was the last straw and he had to pick up his property this weekend. Nick has been telling me for a while that I need to put my foot down and end this and he’s right. It’s just the same old shit. I am doing this massive favour (for the cat, mind you, NOT for the ex) and he is dragging his feet and procrastinating. It doesn’t take almost a month to call and book a damn plane ticket. He should’ve had this all organized literally the day he dropped the cat off. But he didn’t. Typical. He called about a week and a half ago and said that he had “made arrangements” and that she would be out of our hair in two weeks. When I talked to him last night and asked when his “arrangements” were he said it would be about another two weeks; and couldn’t give me an exact date, meaning that he’s full of shit and there are no firm arrangements. Then when I mentioned that he had told me that two weeks ago he automatically got his back up and started with the excuses and the “you don’t have to give me shit about it” BS. I have had it. I don’t like to be thought of as a bitch, but enough is enough. We aren’t friends, I don’t owe him anything, and at this point this “favour” is no longer benefiting the animal I’m doing it for. So why am I letting myself feel bad about it?

I think I just need to be polite but firm about this. I just don’t care about his situation anymore, he’s had plenty of time to work shit out and he didn’t and now he’s on his own. The end. I still can’t help but feel like a cow though. I think the reason is that I know no matter how well I handle it, no matter how diplomatic I am, the ex and his poor me, over dramatic attitude are going to make me out to be the bitch. Here we have a prime example of the Tiny Little Task turning into the Great Big Mess because he couldn’t/wouldn’t get his shit together.

I actually feel a lot better having written all this shit down. I ended our relationship because I wouldn’t put up with this BS, why should I put up with it now with this stupid situation? Enough really is enough, we aren’t friends, I gave a helping hand even though I shouldn't have and he took advantage of it. So fuck him. I’m out.

Sorry if you waded through that. I know it’s a really stupid story but at least when I write things down I remember them when I need to explain myself. And I am seriously lacking on bloggable topics, so this really killed too birds w/ one stone.

Shit

2007-09-10T14:25:00.001-07:00

This is how we spent our Saturday afternoon a few weekends ago.

Looks like fun, huh?

We thought that we would use our hung over Saturday constructively and take a trip out to a waterfall. I kinda have a thing for waterfalls. We got about 10 miles away and this happened. Then some nice people stopped to see if we were OK and they informed us that the falls were closed because of grizzly bears. So BFD. We drove all the way up to the asshole of nowhere to get a flat tire and eat a gross gas station sandwich. (In case anyone was wondering, Nick changed the tire and had us going again in no time, but the situation still sucked)

I am starting to think that I have a rain cloud following me around. Both a proverbial one and a literal one. I seem to be not only having the worst of luck, but every time I drag my lazy butt outside to do something it literally starts raining. I just want to give up and live in our bed.

Behold the Wonders of the Forgotten Cupboard!

2007-08-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

After around a six month hiatus on kitchen improvements we finally put up the last shelf over the cupboards last night. Upon clearing the collection of shit off the top of the fridge and gaining access to the cupboard above we were pleasantly surprised at the treasures we beheld. It turns out that this cupboard was our liquor cabinet about six to nine months ago. We found a full (and I’m quite sure unopened) bottle (26 oz) of Absolut, a collection of Absolut mini bottles in assorted flavours, a full and also potentially unopened bottle of Kahlua, a bottle of sour apple liqueur and a few other odds and ends. It was like a frickin’ hillbilly Christmas at our house last night!

It’s always nice to find little treasures around the house. That’s one of the best things about staying in one place for a long time. And having a shitty memory.

T Minus Five Hours and Counting

2007-08-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure what that actually means. What I am sure of is that in five hours I will be on holidays. I am currently counting the seconds.

Cartoons and Roast Beef

2007-08-13T16:51:00.000-07:00

Peeve time. This one is a restaurant peeve that I was reminded of whilst we dined at the up scale establishment known as “Arby’s” (you may not have heard of it, it’s pretty exclusive).

When a fast food place, or any type of restaurant where you seat yourself, is mostly empty – there are say maybe four tables occupied, whole sections of the place are totally empty – why the hell do people choose a table right beside you? That drives me crazy. When you have the choice of dining in as close to privacy as is possible in a shitty fast food eatery why the hell would you rather be as close to strangers as unnecessarily possible? I just don’t get it. And ‘possible’ is a funny word if you say/read it over and over. I guess some people just like to feel close to others while they munch on their roast beef. Or they’re just retards.

Yesterday we went across the border to the closest thing to a ‘big city’ as we can get to w/o driving all day to see The Simpson’s Movie and eat at Arby’s. It was cold and raining and since we actually got some stuff accomplished on Saturday we thought we might as well go to GP and watch a funny movie and eat gross but unavailable in Dodge fast food on Sunday. I have been hearing mixed reviews for The Simpson’s, but as a series long fan I think that it was great. I’m not really sure what people who didn’t like it were expecting. It did the series justice, it didn’t sell itself out too bad with a gazillion guest appearances (not anywhere near as much as it has in recent seasons) and it won’t affect the continuation of the series. I thought that it really did run like a super long episode and that’s fine by me. The only thing that disappointed me was the beginning. It was the one part that I thought would be really cool and it got about half way through something that was along the lines of the opener for the show and then just kinda trailed off. I was hoping that it would go through the town and end at the couch like the show only significantly more spectacular. It went a little way through Springfield and then it was just over. So that was kinda a let down. And I’m not sure what the hell happened to Spider Pig (sorry – Harry Plopper). I don’t want to go into detail and ruin anything but unless I blinked or something happened during the credits that I missed the pig just kinda disappeared. Anyways, I thought it was a fabulous movie.

So in honour of the movie here’s my Simpson’s avatar. It took me three goddamn tries just to come up with something that doesn’t even look like me, but hey, I was bored. And after looking at it again it kinda sorta does look like me.

The Turtles Made me Sad

2007-08-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

I am extremely disappointed. I was really looking forward to this. I had mostly forgot about wanting to see it until Nick came home with the DVD yesterday, but when I saw the case I was all excited again. Then, about two minutes after getting into bed and popping it in the DVD player, I was completely deflated.

Am I the only one that didn’t realize this was animated?

I watched the previews, I read the reviews, I even blogged about it, and somehow I managed to completely miss that this was a fucking cartoon. I assumed that it was like the old ones and that the turtles themselves would be all digital like instead of in rubber costumes but that the rest would just be people. Well they weren’t. I couldn’t even watch it after that. I had to turn it off.

I’ll give it another go tonight because my mother’s Scottish blood won’t let me waste $5 but I am still very unhappy about this situation.

So Blah

2007-08-03T16:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I think that my brain has officially gone to mush. I can’t think, I have nothing to write about and I have little desire to keep my eyes open at this point. So have a good weekend and here’s a quote that I found amusing.

14 year olds should be playing kick the can and collecting fireflies in a jar, not getting pee'd on by millionaire singers on camera.

– WWTDD

How true.

Well, There ya go

2007-07-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

Fuck.